12 Points To Clear Your Head Of Garbage

 

Wanting to be a “PUA” was so 2007. These days, most guys cringe when they hear the three-letter acronym and only use the poo-ahs lexicon ironically.

Hilariously, Zack and I have based our entire career on being normalInteracting with women in a way that demonstrates you actually like—and appreciate—women and enjoy getting to know them regardless of the outcome. and…actually picking up chicks (wow, there’s a novel concept).

While other companies and master pickup artists were busy practicing their calibrated back-turn technique for next year’s PUA Olympics, Zack and I were filming SNL pulls on Infield Insider and Pickup Tube.

Am I coming off snarky? I hope so, because Zack and I are fed up with guys wanting to learn pickup and ending up learning how to impress men on the internet.

So, without further condescending ado, I present you my checklist for anyone who wants to leave PUA Land and who actually pickup hot women:

1.       This is not self-development. Sorry, but it’s not. At the 2010 NYC Dating Conference, Zack offhandedly brought this up much to the shocked chagrin of many guys in the room (you can hear me cackling in the front row at the end):

There’s nothing wrong with wanting to improve your life, but if that’s what you want to do, then you’re NOT doing pickup. If your goal is to pickup girls, put the Napoleon Hill book down, go to the bar, and start hitting on hot chicks.

2.       This is DEFINITELY not spiritual enlightenment. When you think of classic ladies’ men, who comes to mind? Brando? Heffner? Eckhart Tolle? If you honestly think reading The Power of Now is going to help you put your pimp foot forward, you’re living on another planet…or another “Nation.”

3.       Stop practicing your “skill set,” start focusing on the girl. Picking up girls is not a set of skills to master as if earning Boy Scott badges. Instead, learning to effectively meet and attract women is all about shifting the way you see the world, how you relate to other people, and adopting empowering mindsets. It may take time, but once you “get it” most of your so-called game will take care of itself.

4.       You don’t need to tease her for her to like you. Guys. Seriously. Please stop with the teasing. Most “teasing” comes off really try-hard and contrived. I know the gurus told you that you can tease your way into a woman’s heart, but you can’t. In fact, most guys tease themselves out of sex.

5.       Ignore everything Neil Strauss ever wrote. Hey, I’ll be the first to admit that I read The Game and drank the Koolaid just like everyone else. But, after enough time picking up girls in the world, I’m now campaigning for Barnes and Nobles to re-categorize that book under its proper genre: “Science Fiction & Fantasy.” You’d honestly find better pickup advice in The Two Towers than what you’d find in The Game. (My all-time favorite comment a reviewer ever wrote about Zack and I was that we make Neil Strauss look like your creepy Uncle Bob.)

6.       Openers were invented to create conversions among men, not to begin conversations with women. I hate even using the term “opener” because I hate that such a term even exists. The idea that you need an “opener” before you can talk to a woman is complete emasculating bullshit. Simply letting noise come out of your mouth is enough of an opener for almost any girl. The opener doesn’t matter at all—what you do next is what counts.

7.       If you want to be “social,” join Toastmasters. There’s absolutely no correlation between “acting social” and getting girls. In fact, I’ve seen more instances were being a social butterfly made a guy look like a jackass. If you want to pickup girls, don’t be social—be sexual.

8.       If it was fun in grammar school…it’s probably immature now. I know guys think acting “wacky” and playing all sorts of “games” with girls is somehow attractive, but this whole “if it worked grammar school, it’ll work now” idea has got to stop. The only “games” that are going to get you closer to a girl are the ones that don’t involve clothes—not stuff you did when you were 7 years old on the playground.

While other companies and master pickup artists were busy practicing their calibrated back-turn technique for next year’s PUA Olympics, Zack and I were filming SNL pulls on Infield Insider and Pickup Tube.

9.       The only guys allowed to give advice while out are the guys who’re hooking up with chicks, but since they’re hooking up with chicks, they can’t give advice. See the paradox? So what the hell were you doing last Friday night giving your buddy some hot tips on his body rocking when you should’ve been hooking up with a girl? You’re ONLY qualified to give advice on girls while out IF you’re too busy to give advice with girls while out. (Unless of course you’re me or Zack, teaching a live weekend program.)

10.   Girlfriends are cool again. I’m well aware that having a girlfriend to a pickup artistAn outdated—and somewhat unfair—term used to describe a movement that encouraged men to actively go out and improve their dating success by cold approaching women. Most popular in the mid- to late-2000’s, the movement has received a lot of media scrutiny. While Rob Judge is a vocal critic of Pickup Artists, and differentiates himself from the movement, he also believes the mainstream perception of PUAs is biased and hypocritical. is considered extremely lame and “AFC.” Well, I got news for you…GIRLFRIENDS ARE COOL AGAIN. Seriously, what is cooler than being with a girl you really like on a lazy Friday night, cuddled up, enjoying pizza and wine, and watching Rambo 3? Wait, what were you doing Friday night? Talking game out at the bar? Yeah. That’s what I thought.

11.   If you’re worried about “AMOGs” you have bigger problems than not being able to attract women. If you’re leaving the house seriously afraid of getting “AMOG’d” by another guy, then you have what’s called A VICTIM’S MENTALITY. If that’s the case, learning to pickup women is the least of your concerns. People are not out to get you. The term I use for other guys who try to “steal” my date is “entertainment.” If you’re not looking for nearest bowl of popcorn when some “AMOG” rolls up on your girlfriend at the bar, then you’ve been spending too much time working on your skillset son.

12.   Sexual escalation is 90 percent of learning pickup, yet is only covered by 10 percent of the materials. Teaching guys how to overcome their sexual anxiety is the real “magic bullet” of the pickup and dating industry—yet no one talks much about it. (Instead we have an encyclopedia of knowledge on phone and text game.) Learn to escalate fast, learn game. Period.

Alright. Now if you want to learn the truth about pickup and dating, I suggest you get on our free newsletter and actually read the emails. And if you’re serious about dating hotter girls, download our masterpiece, The 4 Elements of Game.

  1. That’s a solid article. Good point about it not being self development – it’s not. However… sometimes it puts people on that path. Sometimes you have to make changes/advances on a deep level in order to get success with women. Those are indeed part of self development.

    ACK!! I’ve got PUA in my name!! ARghhhhhhh. (I know. I need a re-brand) 😛

    WHAT!! Having fun/being a goofy ass can go a long way! I PROTEST! Girls love it, especially on dates. Some elements of doing kiddie stuff and teasing actually go a long way in creating a connection with a woman. Sure, being too goofy can hurt your game – but so can being too serious all the time! Next time you’re on a date, Ask a girl if she likes piggy back rides… and then jump on her back! Yep… she will love you just a little bit more…. 😉

    Sasha

  2. I can agree with most of your points. It does seem that what you are saying is that methods that teach you to tease are bullshit and upgrading yourself to be more attractive person in general has nothing to do with pickup.

    Here are my 15 cents:
    1. Let’s take an extreme case: a guy with boring job, no hobbies, fat, bad dress code, shy and lacks confidence. I think you will surely agree that a guy like this has to improve some stuff in himself before focusing on the girl. Self-development means upgrading yourself as a person in variety of areas. The more upgraded you are the more attractive person you will be in general. I would always prefer friends with cool hobbies and amazing lifestyle. This is self-development my friend.

    3. Are you saying that you don’t have to learn expressing yourself sexually? Are you saying there are no ways to create more connection and comfort with a girl? Those are techniques. Also known as skill-set.
    Sure, you gotta focus on the girl. Because you gotta know when you are escalating too and do field calibration. Nevertheless, it’s a skill. I’ve started as a natural. Once I started applying some outer game techniques my results became more consistent and better (:

    4. Yes, you can seduce a women without teasing. Teasing is a way to touch her emotional switches, set frames and spike up her buying temperature. You can make it look “try hard” but you can also make it be smooth which will make her laugh and punch you in the shoulder 😉 For a baby learning how to walk is also try hard till his emotional memory gets it and then it’s smooth like baby’s ass 🙂

    6. Openers – the idea of an opener is start a communication channel. saying “hi” is an opener. “Hi, I think you’re hot” is also an opener and so is “kuku”. No way to avoid the openers unless you come her with a gun.. but it’s not what you’re about, are ya? 😛 If you’re referring to opinion openers, I hate them too. There are all kinds of ways to pickup: create social comfort first and then break rapport, some start with attraction. You could also start with getting to know each other (a.k.a mid-game) based on how she reacts to you when you approach.

    7. It depends on the way you’re playing the game. If you’re about to do social dynamics game then being social is good. I guess you are referring to what is known to opening sets just for the sake of opening to look social. This is something I’ve done last summer. I found myself wasting time talking with fatties and dudes just to gain social proof. It was nice experience to see how waste of time feels like. Social proof does not hurt you if you get it while speaking with the girls you like. Again, not all venues are the same and there’s an issue of culture. Some places embrace the idea of being only in groups with people came with them. So by being social and starting a social circle game it could be a way to go. What matters is what makes guys feel fun. It could be then having few chats with different people puts them in a better mood and fun for them. While in this mood it’s easier to approach the girls they want. In summary, if you are able to approach the girl you want directly and get her in most of the time then it’s super effective and I only encourage that. This is the way I play the game.

    9. This is true. I think that guys that don’t hook with girls should be banned from posting in forums 🙂

    12. I think that pickup is about becoming the man who goes for what he wants. About knowing how to connect with people. Getting amazing lifestyle that people will want to be part of. Being able to escalate sexually. Being a man with passion.

    Other than that, cool post and cheers 🙂

    s-man
    http://www.master-pua-journey.com

  3. @s-man.. you’re such a PUA, heh

    You’re missing the whole point. The fact that you even view it as an “opener” is showing that you see it through this “pua” lens. …While I’m flirting with girls, you’re “opening a set”. Of “hb8’s”. Time to “DVH and calibrate a neg, but wait… is that an IOI!? oh, no… IOD.” To view it as an “opener” is creating a unnecessary mental task out of the process that you can study, stress and become anxious about, whereas I just start talking… like its one of my friends… just sexier. like, “opener? ….nigga what?”

    Lol, not to go into “guru” mode… but for an impromptu visualization, imagine having stopped at a red light. then the light turns green and you’re off again. now imagine some guys watching you were like, “Wooa did you see his take off?? nice and smooth, not too fast – just the right amount of acceleration, but could of waited a bit longer after the light turned green to make his move, came off a little anxious, where’s the fire chode??” (granted – these MAY well be little factors you analyze in a pocket of your brain underneath your consciousness, but NEVER too the point of nervousness, hesitation, or awkwardness; it is a non-event.)

    better example: do you open your grandma? Do you fucking calibrate and think about what approach you’re going to take, and then feel good about yourself when it works, at the same time being nervous that it wont? why not? she has a vagina does she not? oh… because that would be WEIRD. because you’re not in trying to get something from her mode. and because you ALREADY ASSUME SHE LIKES YOU.

    Same goes for teasing; they tell you to neg/tease and ignore your target. ..Why the hell would I tease or ignore someone I like and I’m assuming already likes me back? isn’t that a little backwards? ..a little elementary? Or most importantly – a little obvious? (The pua mindset, by nature, will teach you that NO girl likes you initially, and every girl must be won over with special tactics. result: you believe this, communicate it in your image and actions, and make it real, shooting yourself in the foot.)

    If you’re the teasing type, tease her after you’ve fucked her; then it for sure wont come off as try hard.

    And lastly, News Flash: girls like sex. a lot. they’re dirty little hamsters. If two people are attracted to each other, there is absolutely NO reason why you should keep it social instead of sexual if sex is what you’re seeking. Again, that’s the pua community telling you that everything has to follow this certain doctrine of order, making life much more complicated, taking much more effort, and wasting much more time, all for much less fruitful results.

    I know its difficult, but if you’re going to really be free to enjoy wtf you’re doing, ie women and the process of getting them, and do it successfully and efficiently, you’re going to need to shed the “pick up artist” veil and rip their booty-hole teachings from your brain that this hype-marketing, awkwardly-interacting, resume-lacking, nerd-driven “community” has infected you with.

    It was never truly here to help you…. only to benefit financially from your naivety and desperation.

    btw, PUA now officially = Pretty Un-Attractive, ..lol (c)Dizzy 2010

  4. I hope the ONLY intention is to take artist (A) out of pickup

    I like a definition I heard of pickup; man speak for woman speak = romance.
    Kinda like man speak for black = woman speak for deep-dark cherry red.

    Is the term “Pickup” to boys/men the same as “Slut” is to girls/women??

    Dr. Glover, Phd, author of “No More Mr. Nice Guy”,
    nomoremrniceguy.com/
    and
    gives counseling to nice guys develop into good guys, says that pick up, OR what ever you want to call the beginning stages of sexual-girlfriend relationship is A PART of never ending, self development.
    His expertise is for a guy to develop OTHER areas of his life,
    AND
    claims that dating is a component of confronting, determining, what those sexual S.L.B’s are.

    I think you have it right on in your point number 12.
    “Sexual escalation is 90 percent of learning pickup, yet is only covered by 10 percent of the materials.
    Teaching guys how to overcome their sexual anxiety is the real “magic bullet” of the pickup and dating industry—yet no one talks much about it.

    The self development part for guys is to over come anxiety producing S.L.B’s about sexuality. Once this is done, self-development continues from learning to handle new situations resulting from no fear sexuality.

    Can this be done in isolation ?? Use of Porn ??
    If it did not happen in one’s teens years, ponder that pick up is where both genders face them post – High School ?

    From the http://thegurublackbook.com
    How to know if you are giving women the best sex of their life?
    The girls will tell their friends

    how good you are,

    causing

    many of them to chase after you as well,

    resulting in fun cat fights and drama while

    you get all the benefits.”
    OR
    unintended consequence(s) ? ha ha.

    Does Self-Development THEN become handling all the NEW fears from handling the S.L.Bs this causes. 😀

    Porn is a lot easier, women NOT wanting to remain, be, virginal-innocent-like mom, minimal challenges, not as anxiety producing, all from the comforts of home. ha ha

  5. flirting with a girl or just talking to her just wont do it. “Openers” are a great way to interest her and not make her think of you as a creep, unlike saying “hi”, im pretty sure the first thing that’ll go through a girl’s mind is “wtf what a creep”.

    learn your shit, then write.

  6. mPUA Says:
    October 27th, 2010 at 8:30 pm

    “flirting with a girl or just talking to her just wont do it. “Openers” are a great way to interest her and not make her think of you as a creep, unlike saying “hi”, im pretty sure the first thing that’ll go through a girl’s mind is “wtf what a creep”.

    learn your shit, then write.”

    ..Lol, worst post since posts were first posts

    great name tho

  7. @Dizzy: hahahah… there is nothing more creepy than
    actually using an opener! A normal person who is not creepy doesn’t
    have to prepare stuff in his mind just to go talk to a girl. You
    sound like a real-life creep. @NS: What Neil Strauss did best is
    bringing people into this community and making them aware that
    picking up girls is a learnable skill. But his way of seducing is
    overly complicated and puts you too much in your head. You have to
    memorize too many things. I never thought any of his material was
    useful. If anybody really wants to use indirect method for whatever
    reason, Mystery or Love Systems are better than Neil
    anyway.

  8. SO true! first thing I said to a girl yesterday was… “Is that your rubbish on the floor?” (there was rubbish on the floor lol) I am thinking of getting rid of any of any pua stuff ever acquired except 4E though 🙂

  9. When a girl that initially blew me off after I just “did the pickup girl thing” you advocate, I resorted to the “fictional” techniques in the book “The Game”.

    So when I saw her again at a lounge, I approached the 6-set she was in. Entertained her five friends with the openers from “The Game”, flirting, cocky-funny, palmistry, cold-reading, etc… then teased (or “negged”) her mercilessly to the delight of her peer group. I then used Mystery’s and Style’s qualification and connection techniques and got her number.

    On our first date, I did the Cube (another fictional technique), cocky-funny and other stuff that don’t work (well according to you, calling the girl “my precious” Gollum-style – which actually sounds pretty funny, should work better). I just had sex with her yesterday.

    When I asked her what made her like me so much although she blew me off initially, she said two things: 1/ I made friends with her friends and teased her BEFORE talking to her one-on-one. 2/ The Cube. In other words, EVERYTHING from “The Game”.

    I honestly don’t know where all the hate comes from with “The Game” since basically all of you owe half of your business to people who have read this book and come to you for more advice (and alienating your client base may not be the best business practice I could think of). But I discredit ANYONE that claims “The Game” and the techniques in it are fictional and don’t work. You may have another way that works for you. But I’m here to tell you that this stuff WORKS. It works today just as it did in 2005. And when you study the inner-game stuff David D talks about and match it with the techniques in the book, you understand how and why the “fictional” techniques work so well in the real world.

    In fact, I’ve now come to the point that if anybody tells me the stuff in “The Game” doesn’t work, I automatically know: either this guy doesn’t get it and doesn’t know how to do this stuff. Or he’s a natural who’s just really good, but he cannot teach it his system to other guys who don’t get it. Or he has a pick-up company trying to make a name for himself and just knocks his (much more powerful) competitors down which is actually horrible business – notice how David D puts up everybody on his stage and accepts everybody’s point of view… and makes $25 million/year.

    That said, good luck with your business.

  10. I always tought of PUA as a stepping stone. Guys ho are clueless about women get. Set on the right path. This is what’s you are doing wrong. The steps and Dhvs and al that other junk is steps to help clueles dudes (like me ) start to gain and understanding of what to do, not in thelong term. As you start to understand what youre doing all that other junk fades away. Like holding a child hand until he learns to walk.

    They give “openers” to guys who have no idea what to say. Just saying anything really doesn’t have a positive effect.

    If women respond and it works thn let it. Shurgs.

    But maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you guys have a better system right. Nothing to it but to do it.

  11. vampiricaura says:

    The truth about pickup and dating? There’s no such thing as “the one true way”. Every style or methodology has certain strengths and weaknesses. No system is ideal for everyone. Some apply better to sexually confident men. Others apply better to socially maladjusted men. Just do what works for you

  12. Great article. This really hit home as this is something I have been considering recently. Forget all these techniques and tricks being explained by Seduction Gurus. I don’t even like using the word Seduction any more. I use the word Social now.

    We’ve essentially created a breeding ground for guys who will learn and read a lot, but not know how to apply it in the real world because words like “kino” and “neg” just don’t exist in the real world and have no real meaning (and they sound gay, too). You can’t be in the club and say with a straight face “Go open that chick with a false time constraint, after that neg her and hit her with some kino, then getting an n-close will be easy if you isolate her”. Seriously… try saying that retarded sentence out loud to yourself right now just so you can see how silly it really is. It’s fake, sounds stupid, and is very “un-cool” (the polar opposite of what we are trying to teach).

    We’ve over-complicated things and created so many techniques and names for them that we are disconnected from reality.

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