Not Another Opener
What’s your best opener? If you can answer that question, you aren’t doing as well with women as you should be. If you have an opener you consider “good”—or worse, if you’re looking for an opener you’d consider good—you’ve already lost. That’s because the best way to “open” a woman has absolutely nothing to do with an “opener.”
Back in the day—circa 2002—the world was first introduced to “The Opener”—a scripted line that was supposed to “open” a woman to an interaction with a man who approached her. The first openers were innocuous social sound bites, like debating “who lies more” or when was the appropriate time to floss (before or after you brush?).
Unlike the taboo “pickup line,” an opener was supposed to be an “under the radar” way to begin an interaction with a woman. Like a magic book of mystical spells, these openers were secretly traded by men on the internet by day, and practiced (“field tested”) on unsuspecting women at night.
As the dating advice industry “evolved,” so did the opener. It was no longer cool to just ask a girl her opinion on if a “drunk I love you” counted. Now you had to ask her if she liked horses because there was a girl in your elementary school who looked just like her and she used to love horses so much that she had a horse notebook and folders with horses all over them and she made horse noises in the schoolyard and you used to made fun of her for loving horses (because you were one of the cool kids) and now you wanted to ask her forgiveness for being so mean to her because she was “the horse girl.”
(Yes, that’s seriously an “opener” that someone thinks is a good way to introduce yourself to a woman you’d like to begin a romantic interaction with.)
But I don’t want to harp on the absurdity of actual openers, but instead the absurdity of what an opener implies. If you need a story or a gimmick or a line or a premise to meet women, you don’t believe you can handle yourself beyond “the opener.” Any man who relies on an opener to meet women has such limited confidenceThe permission you grant yourself to remain comfortable in uncomfortable situations. in himself that he doesn’t believe he can maintain an attractive interaction beyond the opening words.
Don’t worry—I was once that guy, too. And I found a far better way to “open” women…
Get Her Attention
As stated in the intro paragraph, if you believe you need an opener to attract woman, you’ve immediately handicapped yourself. The guys I know who are great with women couldn’t run a proper opener if they tried. It’s a contradiction to an attractive guy’s beliefs that he needs a “gambit” to meet and attract women. Instead, he only needs one thing: her attention.
If you can simply get a girl’s attention, that should be enough for you to get her attracted to you. That’s because you know that you’re so awesome that she will have no choice but to love the awesomeness that is you. Perhaps easier said than done, but I believe every guy can harness enough inner awesomeness to lead to the extinction of openers.
When I filming for Entropy’s Pickup Tube, I met a girl I dated long after filming with probably the worst recorded opener in human history. I walked over to my future girlfriend and her friend and said, “Hey guys, check this out…the micro-wave!” I wiggled a finger—implying a wave minus 4 fingers.
The girls turned their noses up in disgust. I was bombarded with a snotty “club girl” attitude. I was told the micro-wave was stupid beyond words. Several times they brushed me off.
But I had their attention.
And then, 56 minutes later, my future girlfriend and I were back at my place. Was it my amazing opener that got us there, or my amazing belief that openers don’t matter. I matter. My inner awesomeness matters. And as long as I have a girl’s attention, it’s impossible not to radiate my inner awesomeness. It’d be contradiction of my beliefs to behave in any other way.
So why hasn’t the opener died a natural death yet? If what I write is true, then why hasn’t every guy realized this and made the opener obsolete? The answer is simple, but hard to see: Because the opener is a mirage.
Any man who relies on an opener to meet women has such limited confidenceThe permission you grant yourself to remain comfortable in uncomfortable situations. in himself that he doesn’t believe he can maintain an attractive interaction beyond the opening words.
If you learn a scripted opener—whether it’s something to do with horses or something to do with how she’s sexy as fuck—you’re going to see something. Much of the time what you’ll see is laughter. You’ll see acceptance. You’ll see an “opening.”
Your brain will associate the opener with opening. It won’t associate the opener with the fallout that will inevitably follow. Shortly after the girl opens, the interaction will fizzle. But you’ll think that had nothing to do with the opener. You’ll think that had to do with what you did after the opener. You’ll then believe the mirage of learning “mid-game”—or worse, the mirage of believing that success with women is a “skill-set” that can be learned in “chucks” and conquered by mastering “sticking points.”
What a mirage.
If you could see what I see, you’d know that the opener poisons every moment that woman is around you. Even if she “opens,” the interaction is a ticking time bomb. It’ll explode in your face once she realizes that you don’t possess the belief that your inner-awesomeness is enough to attract her. Whether that explosion happens 2 minutes into the interaction, when you go to text her, or even after a date or two, it doesn’t matter. What matters is the explosion will happen—every time.
Trust me. I’m a guy who’s seen more shitty explosions than a Taco Bell toilet. And it was all because I couldn’t see the past the mirage of the opener.
Ultimately it all boils down to a Rob Judge truism: learning how to be successful with women is nothing more than a series of self-fulfilling beliefs. By focusing on “the opener,” you’re only sabotaging your own success with women. Sure it might not be completely obvious, but take it from a guy who’s been at this for a long time: believing in the opener will destroy your interactions with women every time.
The next time you see a girl you want to approach, don’t think: how should I “open” this girl. All you need to think is this: how can I get this girl’s attention. Getting a girl’s attention is about 100 times easier than getting her to “open.” Once you’re only focused on getting her attention, much of the typical sticking points associated with opening will answer themselves. For example:
- How do I stop a “moving” girl? Get her attention by tapping her on the shoulder, grabbing her by the arm, or simply stepping in front of her.
- How do I open a girl in “mixed set?” Get her attention by tapping her on the shoulder and get her attention. Be polite and cordial to her friends unless they give you a reason not to be.
- How do I open a girl in the day time? Get her attention.
- How do I open a 10? Get her attention.
See how simple that makes things? There’s not much thought involved in “getting her attention.” It’s so simple a caveman can do it. And they did. That fact that you’re reading this right now, here today, is evidence that cavemen didn’t need “openers” to meet and attract women—they just needed their attention.
So rejoice for today we deconstructed yet another self-limiting myth of the dating advice world: the opener. As I hope you’re beginning to notice, my entire philosophy on success with women hinges on learning outer game habits to solidify your inner gameYour internal state. Strong inner game means overcoming facing your fear and doubt while actively building your self-esteem and confidence. beliefs. By shifting your outer game approach to opening, you will strengthen your inner game beliefs.
Unfortunately, you won’t live in the comfort bubble of the opener mirage. Things might be a bit rocky the first couple times you open women getting their attention rather reciting an opener. In the long run, however, you’re setting yourself up for vastly superior interactions with women founded on genuineness and awesomeness. That’s the essence of a healthy and worthwhile relationship.
If you see the importance of cultivating the right attitude for dating, and you’re ready to learn the truth about dating advice, check my book, The 4 Elements of Game. In it you’ll find an entire book focused around the philosophy of this article—detailing everything you need to know to turn a beautiful stranger into your next lover or girlfriend. Learn more by clicking on the link below: