I’m off to a friend’s wedding so I’ll be out of town this weekend. Since I won’t be around to update this blog for a few days, I wanted to post on what I consider to be THE biggest mistake most guys make without even realizing they’re making it.
This post comes from a few pages out of “The 4 Elements of Game” eBook I wrote. If you enjoy the content, please click on the link at the end for more information. (Don’t flake)
And if you’ve already read “The 4-EG” book, reread this post to remind yourself of what’s important: attracting women with genuine awesomeness.
Learning To Let your Guard Down And Be Real
After you’ve established some rapport with a woman, you must learn to open yourself up. If you’re anything like I was, you might be afraid to open up because it leaves you emotionally vulnerable. As guys, often we believe learning “game” will save us from opening up emotionally and connecting with people. But constantly “gaming” prevents a genuine, emotional connectionConnecting with a girl is essential to the 4-EG balance. Since connections should never be forced or manipulated, it’s a passive mindset. Vulnerability is crucial to making a solid emotional connection. with a woman and, ironically, diminishes her attraction.
Even by believing that a successful social interaction is a ballet of perfectly executed lines and maneuvers, you’ll hold yourself back from attracting women. This was such an eye-opener for me! A woman is not looking for perfection—she’s just looking for a man who’s cool and comfortable with himself.
If you’re comfortable with making mistakes and you’re brave enough to open up, women will relax and open up in response. In this state the two of you can have a deep, significant interaction. And that’s the foundation of a healthy, mutually enjoyable relationship.
Destroy The “Perfection Myth”
Before you can make genuine connections with women, you must be ready to be “imperfect.” All too often, men get an image in their heads that a pick up or an interaction with a woman has to be flawless.
Often we men believe the woman must always perceive us as “high value” or “cooler than her.” This is an immature, ego-driven, and just plain stupid way to approach quality women. It’s simply not realistic to believe you’ll always say the right thing, at the right time, in the right tonality, with the right body language, etc.
Believing your game must be “perfect” overlooks the humanness of social interactions and dating. Again, this relates back to talking to the idea of a girl, rather than the girl in front of you. If you’re ready to attract real girls, in the real world, with your real personality, then you better be ready to make some real mistakes!
Not only should you be ready to make mistakes, you should enjoy making them. This is not to say you should go out of your way to mess up, but if you do or say something unintended, laugh it off rather than get anxious over it.
Mistakes Let Her See The Real You
Mistakes offer a woman a glimpse into the real you. Sure, it’s easy to appear cool and charismatic when everything’s going well, but your true confidenceThe permission you grant yourself to remain comfortable in uncomfortable situations. is on display when things go wrong. Confident men prove themselves in moments of imperfection.
A woman is not looking for perfection—she’s just looking for a man who’s cool and comfortable with himself.
When you’re comfortable with your imperfections, you’re brave enough to be vulnerable. By making yourself vulnerable to a woman, you demonstrate you trust her. When she makes herself vulnerable to you, she trusts you. And the only way to connect emotionally is when you’re both vulnerable to one another, but bonded by trust.
If you want to inspire trust in a woman, you must prove you trust her first. Just like inspirationThe ability to express oneself in a creative—and alluring—way. As a counter-balance to drive, an inspired mindset is “passive” and so is follows driven action. (For example, a guy who “doesn’t know what to say” will suddenly think of something if he simply takes action and approaches a woman. Inspiration will come to him “on-the-spot.”), women (and people in general) are cautious with trust. The only way to alleviate her of her cautious anxiety is by showing your vulnerability. In short, you must be ready to make mistakes.
There’s a big difference between “making a mistake” and “creating an obstacle.” Mistakes are natural and human. They happen to everyone. Your mistakes are as much of who you are as your accomplishments. Embrace your mistakes and laugh about them. If you can do that, you’ll always be the cool, level-headed guy—even in moments you totally mess up! Some common mistakes every guy makes in every interaction are:
- Saying something stupid or regretful
- Stuttering or speaking incoherently
- Leaning in or other forms of “bad body language”
- Forgetting her name
- Spilling a drink or doing something clumsy
- Missing an opportunity or cue
- A trillion other things you can probably name for yourself
Mistakes Don’t Kill Attraction-Obstacles Do
The “mistakes” mentioned above will only ruin an interaction if you make them into obstacles. It’s crucial you understand what “creating an obstacle” means. Essentially, an obstacle is a belief or reaction that prevents you and a girl from hooking up.
If you commit some innocent faux pas like saying something dumb, it’ll only hurt you if you make it into an obstacle. And you do that by making it into a big deal. Some ways guys make mistakes into obstacles are:
- Deny it happened, when it obviously did
- Try to justify a mistake with logic
- Get defensive and/or emotional
- Apologize profusely
- Continue to think or worry about it after it happens
- Feel obligated to compensate or make up for it
All obstacles are created by what a guy believes. If you believe the marketing hype of dating companies or unrealistic Hollywood movies, you probably believe a guy who’s good with women is flawless and suave. If so, you’re naïve, misinformed, and amateur. You’re also holding yourself back with delusions and unrealistically high expectations.
Confident men prove themselves in moments of imperfection.
Real ladies’ men make mistakes all the time—probably more so than “regular guys.” However, these guys simply don’t care! In fact, they often draw attention to it, making it into a joke.
For example, if a guy stumbles over his opening line, he might laugh and say,
Wow girl, whatta you doin’ to me? I can hardly talk!
This communicates more confidenceThe permission you grant yourself to remain comfortable in uncomfortable situations. than the most perfectly executed pick up line.
While this isn’t an invitation to intentionally make mistakes, it is an invitation not care when you do. Improving your skills with women is not ridding yourself of flaws and mistakes. Mistakes will always happen. It’s more important to learn the appropriate way to respond to them, which is simply not to care.
Once you accept that, you transform something you do naturally (make mistakes) into a sexy quality that not only attracts girls, but also wins their trust. That’ll help you quickly and effortlessly make emotional connections with amazing women.
That’s one of the many fresh perspectives on dating found in “The 4 Elements of Game” eBook. Reading the book is like rewiring your brain with a highly effective dating philosophy that leads to epic dating wins. For more information, click on the link below:
Leave some comments! Also, if you’re having problems with “flakes” learn the text that makes girls not flake.