My apologies I haven’t had a solid update on this blog in a while. I’ve been crazy busy writing our second book—a project that’s kept me busy for the last 4 months. Although, I’m happy to say that I’m just about done with it. I can’t say much about it yet, other than it’s a book based completely on outer game. And that it’s totally fucking awesome.
There was a time when I would’ve answered that question. There was even a time when I would’ve asked that question. Though, these days, after having seen the dating advice industry inside and out, I can’t help but feeling disappointed when I hear it asked.
I’m disappointed because that one question echoes a multitude of failure. It propagates unrealistic expectations. It communicates hideous apathy. It’s the reason why so many guys never actualize their goals when it comes to women and dating.
And it’s more than just that question. The question is just a symptom of a larger malady. It’s a sickness in the men’s dating advice community that holds up male/female relationships to absolutely ridiculous masculine standards. Bathroom sex. 10 minutes pulls. Tandem sarging. HB10 girlfriends. Make the ho say no. If you think these are effective ways to meet women, you will remain forever tantalized by the promises of the dating advice industry.
People in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Lie About Their Sex Lives
When a bunch of guys come together to give each other dating advice, weird shit is bound to happen. Stories exaggerate. Bravado flares. Reality warps. Is all this “epic embellishment” just boys being boys? Perhaps. But much of it is downright inexcusable.
The most inexcusable and most offensive of it, however, happens when meeting women becomes a competitive sport. Suddenly “lay reports” and outrageous stories are prerequisites for community creditability. Fulfilling relationships and personal happiness are pushed aside for adventures of dick-measuring proportions. Fastest pulls. Hottest chicks. Alpha behavior.
Recently I read about a “guru” proclaiming his program the “best in the business” because his internet forum posted the most tallied lays. As if putting a penis inside a vagina (and then writing about it on the internet) is the ultimate measure of dating success. Pause for a moment and just image how absurd and ridiculous this would appear to an observer outside the dating advice community. (And shit like this is why it’s no surprise guys are embarrassed to admit they partake in this community.)
Naturally the implicit or explicit criticism against me will be: Rob just doesn’t get laid. And what an annoyance it must be to my critics that I’m the only one in this industry who’s recorded 2 full pulls for third party companies (Pickup Tube and Infield Insider). Yet isn’t it ironic I’m not the one who’s shoving those “statistics” down people’s throats or using it as quantifiable evidence of my expertise. Why is it that no other “guru” has available infield footage of his amazing powers of seduction—especially when those same gurus are proclaiming that getting laid is the ultimate benchmark of human achievement?
Whether they practice what they preach or not isn’t really my concern. However, I strongly doubt that anyone who’s enjoying healthy interactions with women would equate putting a penis in a vagina with extreme accomplishment. Sure sex is one aspect of pickup and dating—and a very significant aspect. But once someone starts tallying sex like it’s a baseball score, I’d start running in the other direction.
Anyone who makes meeting women into a competitive sport is someone who’s not meeting women—and certainly not someone who should be teaching others to meet women. But they do it anyway. And that’s why people continue ask, “Are you and your girlfriend going to start pulling threesomes?”
What Did You Want Before The Community?
I know, I know. This just sounds like more of Rob smashing the old guard. But understand: that’s the only reason I stick around this community. If I just absentmindedly agreed with all the information out there, and just rehashed what everyone has was saying, then I just wouldn’t be me. I’d be like all the other uncreative white noise instructors who regurgitate the same tired material.
Criticize me however you like, but don’t ever say I’m unoriginal. Don’t ever accuse me of plagiarizing another guru’s ideas. I only write from two places: my heart and my experience. And I could never contradict myself by advising any other way. I know firsthand how sick and demented it is to turn meeting women into a competitive sport, and so that’s why I’m speaking against it.
I already admitted in the first paragraph that I once believed meeting women was a competition. I aggressively chased this goal with little satisfaction or fulfillment. Sex was never enough. There was always a story that one-upped mine. It was no longer about meeting women; it was about living up to ridiculous masculine standards.
You may be caught up in trying to live up those standards, as well. Whether you are or you aren’t, ask yourself this: what did you want before you started following dating advice? Maybe it was a nice girlfriend. Maybe it was the ability to attract women. Maybe it was a goal that’s deeply personal.
But what happened? Probably you got sucked deep down the dating advice rabbit hole and found yourself with a new set of goals. Copious one night stands, threesomes, strippers, etc. Guys will delude themselves into believing that they had those goals all along, which betrays just how brainwashed and “sucked down the rabbit hole” they really are.
Are those goals really you? Or are they the hyped up, regurgitated goals of the dating advice industry? In an industry where one company often parrots another company, where absurdity replicates and spreads like a virus, are your goals really your goals? Or were they programmed into you by people who don’t know their dick from their elbow?
All I’m Saying Is This…
Look. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, nor do I want to stand on a soapbox. I made my mistakes and I’ll continue to make mistakes. I’ll view myself through the same critical lens under which I examine my rivals. My greatest strength is also my greatest limitation: I write from my heart and my experience, so I’m limited by my heart and my experience.
Though, when I sit down to write, I do so with the ultimate goal in mind: human happiness. Getting laid certainly contributes to human happiness, but it’s not the be all and end all. Moreover, those who regard getting laid as the pinnacle of human achievement have no right advising anyone. They’ll only torture their followers with the glimmer of a never-ending conquest. Meeting women was never intended to be a competitive sport—but insecure men made it that that way.
Don’t fall for their bullshit. Use dating advice to achieve your original goals. If you’ve lost touch with those goals, think back to those virginal days of yore when you were just a guy confused about women. There’s nothing wrong with venturing down the proverbial rabbit hole of dating advice; however, there is something wrong if you let yourself become duped into its false promises by internet prophets.
Love women. Get what you came for. Be happy. Appreciate your growth. And don’t ask me if I’m pulling threesomes with my girlfriend.
Comments? Flames? Rebuttals? Hit it below.