My apologies I haven’t had a solid update on this blog in a while. I’ve been crazy busy writing our second book—a project that’s kept me busy for the last 4 months. Although, I’m happy to say that I’m just about done with it. I can’t say much about it yet, other than it’s a book based completely on outer game. And that it’s totally fucking awesome.

“Threesomes?!”

Whenever I’m talking to someone wrapped up in the dating advice community, and I mention that I have a girlfriend, their next question is always, “Are you going to start pulling threesomes with her?”

There was a time when I would’ve answered that question. There was even a time when I would’ve asked that question. Though, these days, after having seen the dating advice industry inside and out, I can’t help but feeling disappointed when I hear it asked.

I’m disappointed because that one question echoes a multitude of failure. It propagates unrealistic expectations. It communicates hideous apathy. It’s the reason why so many guys never actualize their goals when it comes to women and dating.

And it’s more than just that question. The question is just a symptom of a larger malady. It’s a sickness in the men’s dating advice community that holds up male/female relationships to absolutely ridiculous masculine standards. Bathroom sex. 10 minutes pulls. Tandem sarging. HB10 girlfriends. Make the ho say no. If you think these are effective ways to meet women, you will remain forever tantalized by the promises of the dating advice industry.

People in Glass Houses Shouldn’t Lie About Their Sex Lives

When a bunch of guys come together to give each other dating advice, weird shit is bound to happen. Stories exaggerate. Bravado flares. Reality warps. Is all this “epic embellishment” just boys being boys? Perhaps. But much of it is downright inexcusable.

The most inexcusable and most offensive of it, however, happens when meeting women becomes a competitive sport. Suddenly “lay reports” and outrageous stories are prerequisites for community creditability. Fulfilling relationships and personal happiness are pushed aside for adventures of dick-measuring proportions. Fastest pulls. Hottest chicks. Alpha behavior.

Recently I read about a “guru” proclaiming his program the “best in the business” because his internet forum posted the most tallied lays. As if putting a penis inside a vagina (and then writing about it on the internet) is the ultimate measure of dating success. Pause for a moment and just image how absurd and ridiculous this would appear to an observer outside the dating advice community. (And shit like this is why it’s no surprise guys are embarrassed to admit they partake in this community.)

Naturally the implicit or explicit criticism against me will be: Rob just doesn’t get laid. And what an annoyance it must be to my critics that I’m the only one in this industry who’s recorded 2 full pulls for third party companies (Pickup Tube and Infield Insider). Yet isn’t it ironic I’m not the one who’s shoving those “statistics” down people’s throats or using it as quantifiable evidence of my expertise. Why is it that no other “guru” has available infield footage of his amazing powers of seduction—especially when those same gurus are proclaiming that getting laid is the ultimate benchmark of human achievement?

Whether they practice what they preach or not isn’t really my concern. However, I strongly doubt that anyone who’s enjoying healthy interactions with women would equate putting a penis in a vagina with extreme accomplishment. Sure sex is one aspect of pickup and dating—and a very significant aspect. But once someone starts tallying sex like it’s a baseball score, I’d start running in the other direction.

Anyone who makes meeting women into a competitive sport is someone who’s not meeting women—and certainly not someone who should be teaching others to meet women. But they do it anyway. And that’s why people continue ask, “Are you and your girlfriend going to start pulling threesomes?”

What Did You Want Before The Community?

I know, I know. This just sounds like more of Rob smashing the old guard. But understand: that’s the only reason I stick around this community. If I just absentmindedly agreed with all the information out there, and just rehashed what everyone has was saying, then I just wouldn’t be me. I’d be like all the other uncreative white noise instructors who regurgitate the same tired material.

Criticize me however you like, but don’t ever say I’m unoriginal. Don’t ever accuse me of plagiarizing another guru’s ideas. I only write from two places: my heart and my experience. And I could never contradict myself by advising any other way. I know firsthand how sick and demented it is to turn meeting women into a competitive sport, and so that’s why I’m speaking against it.

I already admitted in the first paragraph that I once believed meeting women was a competition. I aggressively chased this goal with little satisfaction or fulfillment. Sex was never enough. There was always a story that one-upped mine. It was no longer about meeting women; it was about living up to ridiculous masculine standards.

You may be caught up in trying to live up those standards, as well. Whether you are or you aren’t, ask yourself this: what did you want before you started following dating advice? Maybe it was a nice girlfriend. Maybe it was the ability to attract women. Maybe it was a goal that’s deeply personal.

But what happened? Probably you got sucked deep down the dating advice rabbit hole and found yourself with a new set of goals. Copious one night stands, threesomes, strippers, etc. Guys will delude themselves into believing that they had those goals all along, which betrays just how brainwashed and “sucked down the rabbit hole” they really are.

Are those goals really you? Or are they the hyped up, regurgitated goals of the dating advice industry? In an industry where one company often parrots another company, where absurdity replicates and spreads like a virus, are your goals really your goals? Or were they programmed into you by people who don’t know their dick from their elbow?

All I’m Saying Is This…

Look. I don’t pretend to have all the answers, nor do I want to stand on a soapbox. I made my mistakes and I’ll continue to make mistakes. I’ll view myself through the same critical lens under which I examine my rivals. My greatest strength is also my greatest limitation: I write from my heart and my experience, so I’m limited by my heart and my experience.

Though, when I sit down to write, I do so with the ultimate goal in mind: human happiness. Getting laid certainly contributes to human happiness, but it’s not the be all and end all. Moreover, those who regard getting laid as the pinnacle of human achievement have no right advising anyone. They’ll only torture their followers with the glimmer of a never-ending conquest. Meeting women was never intended to be a competitive sport—but insecure men made it that that way.

Don’t fall for their bullshit. Use dating advice to achieve your original goals. If you’ve lost touch with those goals, think back to those virginal days of yore when you were just a guy confused about women. There’s nothing wrong with venturing down the proverbial rabbit hole of dating advice; however, there is something wrong if you let yourself become duped into its false promises by internet prophets.

Love women. Get what you came for. Be happy. Appreciate your growth. And don’t ask me if I’m pulling threesomes with my girlfriend.

Comments? Flames? Rebuttals? Hit it below.

  1. Personally I think the majority of guys who find this community do so because they just want to find a great girlfriend, not be dating 6 girls at the same time. I think over exaggerated marketing is the reason most guys loose sight of why they got into this is the first place.

  2. Exactly Brandon, spot-on as always. That’s why I write these sorts of articles…to remind guys what matters, which helps them get what they really want: a hot girlfriend.

  3. Great Post Rob, honestly you are one of the few people going about this the right way (and with the right mentality). That being said, I see a lot of conflicting messages here. You say getting hot girls shouldn’t be a competitive sport and then you go on to mention your on-camera accomplishments relative to others in the industry. You talk about not trying to impress other men, yet your web page is littered with pictures of you making out with an assortment of hot girls. You condemn the brainwashing of unrealistic PUA marketing and then feature advertisements on your webpage asking the reader, “Tired of Being Lonely? Get the Girl of Your Dreams!” I understand it can be difficult to tow the line between business and values, though I think you have the potential to be a beacon for guys who have gotten lost in the jumbled up world that PUA has cast them into…

  4. Hey John, first off thanks for posting criticism in an intelligent and civil way. I encourage open discussion and appreciate you bringing up some good counter-points in a respectful way.

    And the points you bring up certainly came up in my own head as I was writing that article. However, here’s how I answered my own reservations, which may shed some more light on my message.

    1.) “You say getting hot girls shouldn’t be a competitive sport and then you go on to mention your on-camera accomplishments relative to others in the industry.”

    I only mention my on-camera “accomplishments” to draw attention to the fact that I’m not full of shit. It wasn’t meant to say, “I’m better than Joe Shmo instructor at picking up girls.” I wrote it to say, “I don’t preach sex as the ultimate goal, yet I get laid…so why are you guys preaching it as the ultimate goal?” IMO ONLY guys who actually DO pickup girls have a right to say that getting laid isn’t the only objective of pickup. I think the mentality of “pickup as competitive sport” is spread by guys who are immature and inexperienced, and that’s why the message is so misleading to those receiving it.

    2.) “You talk about not trying to impress other men, yet your web page is littered with pictures of you making out with an assortment of hot girls.”

    That is true, and a very valid point. The pictures are pretty immature and I’ve often been tempted to replace them with more “wholesome” pictures. However, this is an industry where instructors’ sex lives are in glass houses. A newbie guy who knows nothing about this industry may see a listing of instructors and be forced to decide who he’s going to listen to. By having pictures that obviously demonstrate I know a thing or two about pickup may help steer a guy toward my message as opposed to someone else’s.

    Again, it may be hypocritical, but there is an element of marketing in this. I try to go about it as ethically as possible. Guys do have a right to know if an instructor is “legit.”

    3.) “You condemn the brainwashing of unrealistic PUA marketing and then feature advertisements on your webpage asking the reader, “Tired of Being Lonely? Get the Girl of Your Dreams!”

    Again, an example of “ethical marketing” (if that’s not too much of an oxymoron lol). My whole purpose as an instructor is to get guys dating their “dream girl.” I don’t see any problem with having a message that tells guys not to settle, to work on making themselves as awesome as possible, and to find their “perfect 10 dream girl.”

    Hope that clears things up a bit. And again, thanks for the well-thought out points.

    R

  5. Thanks for the response Rob. You could easily just have disregarded the criticism and I think the fact that you took the time to put together those justifications say a lot about the credibility of what you are doing.

    Also, I agree with you reasoning here, especially in terms of the pictures…

    Looking forwards to what comes next.

  6. Brandon from Sydney says:

    I can tell you why I’m learning game in just 2 words and it should be the ONLY reason that anyone who would like to learn game has for doing it if they want to lead a fulfilling and happy life: romantic freedom. Confused? I’ll explain below:

    Have you heard of FINANCIAL FREEDOM before? It describes the ability to break free from the grip of financial obligations that each one of us faces everyday: mortgage, car loans, bills, college funds right down to the most basic needs such as food and clothing etc. We all want to achieve financial freedom so that we can become the master and make money work for us instead of the other way around i.e. being stuck in the rat race for the rest of our life always chasing after the dollar sign.

    Well, romantic freedom describes the ability to break free from the grip of “fate”. It imbues in us the capability to CREATE our own romantic destiny, to SEEK OUT the “best” and MAKE it ours instead of settling for the “good enough”. Fate is bullshit, fate is something the hopeless conjure up to make themselves feel better about giving up too early. Most people leave it up to “fate” to find themselves a suitable mate, but how many of them really do? Why do you think the divorce rate is so bloody high anywhere that divorce is not legally, religiously or culturally condemned? That’s because most people never really had a choice of finding their perfect (for them) partner, they just give up and let “fate” decide. But that’s a cop out. Freedom of choice is at the heart of human happiness and without it, you will never ever be truly happy.

    I CHOOSE to lead a fulfilling and happy life. And so I CHOOSE to strive for freedom of choice in every single aspect of my life, including romance.

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