The Cock-Block Champion

You’re your own biggest cock-block. I know because I’m my own biggest cock-block. While it’s fun and easy to blame outside factors for our dating failures—her nagging friends, your genetics, or the city we live in—the thing holding you back most from having the love life you want is what’s going on between your ears.

Now I’m not going to go all “self-help” on you and lambast you with a condescending rant on “limiting beliefs” or “success barriers.” The truth is more concrete than some rehashed Tony Robbins buzzwords. Unlike Tony’s abstract terms, you sabotage yourself with behavior that’s very tangible, very understandable, and very changeable. Once you recognize it, you can change it—immediately.

Hide-And-Seek

You are hiding.

Yup. You read right. The cock-blocking job of the century, the one you’re doing to yourself, is no more than 3 little words. You. Are. Hiding. Even as you read this article, you’re peering one eye out of your hiding spot, hoping that when I shout, “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” that I don’t uncover your hiding spot.

Probably you hoped I was going to lambast you with that condescending rant on “limiting beliefs” and “success barriers.” That way, you could peak your one eye from your hiding spot, smile, and not have to come out and face your success.

But I’m not going to do that. I’m not going to let you hide anymore.

If your behavior is an end to an end—meaning it helps you “pickup chicks by picking up chicks,” then it’s in alignment with your intentions. By all means, do it.

When we hide, we don’t attract the girls we want. And it’s my job to uncover why you’re not attracting the girls you want, and help you change it. That is why you’re reading, isn’t it? You don’t really want to hide, as safe as it may feel. Deep down you want me to find you. You want me to drag you out—even if it’s kicking and screaming. You want to realize for yourself just how absolutely fucking awesome your potential is for having a happy and successful love life.

So…come out, come out, wherever you are…

Stop Being Mr. Social

You go out with your friends. You believe in the myth of “being the most popular guy in the room.” You believe in the myth that people actually notice other people having fun. You believe in the myth that chatting up everyone and becoming their friend is the way to a woman’s heart.

And you believe in the biggest myth of all: that “being social” will save you from being yourself—which you fear is not good enough to attract women.

Let’s face it: if you’re not a naturally gregarious person, but you’re doing it to attract women, you’re afraid YOU—as yourself—won’t be good enough. Forget what the pickup community told you, being social isn’t high status. It doesn’t demonstrate value. It won’t attract women.

Being social only gives you a place to hide your personality. Rather than do something that feels normal, you do something that feels weird. I know firsthand that walking up and talking to strangers feels weird. It’s not something I’d do if I wasn’t trying to pickup women; therefore I’m only doing it as a means to an end. Fuck a “means to an end.” Why not concentrate on the “end to an end.”

If you eliminate the “social middleman,” you’re left with your real objective: picking up babes. Walking up to a girl and attempting to pick her up is you coming out of your hiding spot. You’re not hiding your intentions or doing something that’s a “means to an end.” You’re putting yourself out there. You’re opening yourself up to greater rejection, or to greater success. Regardless, you’re no longer hiding.

“But Rob,” I can hear the neophyte stammer, “I don’t feel comfortable hitting on girls! It intimidates me and you said not to do things that doesn’t feel natural just to attract women! Aren’t you being a hypocrite?”

No.

I’m not.

Notice I said acting social feels “weird.” It feels weird to people who don’t approach strangers because it’s not in alignment with their intentions. If your intention is to pickup women, but you rationalize, “I’ll be social in order to pickup women,” then you’re doing something weirdly out of alignment with your ultimate goal. Instead, you should say: “I’ll pickup women in order to pickup women.” There’s nowhere to hide in that sentence. You’re picking up women by picking up women.

Might it be scary? Uncomfortable? Yes. Might it feel intimidating? Yes. Is that an excuse not to do it? Should you sit there and no nothing instead? NO. You’re not going to “pickup women by not picking up women.” Hiding behind your fear is just more hiding. Here’s a Tony Robbins’ buzzword for you: If you want to pickup women, repeat your non-hiding affirmation: “I’ll pickup women in order to pickup women.”

No hiding. No bullshit. It’s see girl, get girl. Eliminate the middleman. Eliminate “social.”

Final Caveat

As much as I’d like to end this article on that badass note, I have to clarify one final point. On my live programs, I often give the “fuck social, we’re not pickup artists…we’re hitting on girls!” speech to my students. The student always loves it, high-fives me, and puts his game face on.

Forget what the pickup community told you, being social isn’t high status. It doesn’t demonstrate value. It won’t attract women.

When we hit the venue, the student usually opens girls like a dude who’s there to pickup chicks…but then…as he interacts with the girl…the social habits creep back in. Suddenly, he starts doing things that places the unnecessary “social middleman” into the interaction. He’s hiding again. And very often he’s hiding behind things he learned from the pickup community.

Now I’m not saying all the tactics and outer game advice in the pickup community is bad or harmful, however I am advocating you run your behavior through this filter: Is what I’m doing a means to an end, or an end to an end? If a tactic or trick is a “means to an end,” you’re hiding. Don’t do it. If your behavior is an end to an end—meaning it helps you “pickup chicks by picking up chicks,” then it’s in alignment with your intentions. By all means, do it.

And do it like you mean it.

So tonight, when you step your foot into the venue, are you going to hide? I already found your hiding spot, but it’s up to whether you want to come out or not. I hope you do. I hope you stop cock-blocking yourself.

This idea of “hiding” is developed in greater detail in my book, “The 4 Elements of Game.” In my book, we’ve built our entire system and philosophy around the core principle of “getting at the truth,” which is what it means to stop and start picking up hot women. Please click on the link below to learn more and read about guys just like you who used our book for incredible dating success:

“The 4 Elements of Game” eBook
by Rob Judge and Zack Bauer

  1. That makes sense to me, but what would you say to people that need to improve their social skills, or are awkward. Wouldn’t it help to be social at least in some situations, or maybe if they are just working on making friends etc. Should we separate nights we go out for picking up chicks and being social. What are your thoughts?

  2. Good point, but I’ll tell you… Being Mr Social is a great tool to kill approach anxiety for the night. Also, being social with a woman’s group to find out the relationships among all her guy friends is a good way to get great info but mostly avoid getting into a fight if one of those guy’s the boyfriend.

  3. Social skills are very important in group dynamics. Mystery is right about hot girls being surrounded by a social group, especially in clubs. And his basic ideas about group game tactics are still relevant.

    I don’t know how you derived that being social is somehow hiding the personality. More often, the opposite is true, where being anti social is hiding the personality, because of simple fears about expressing the true personality.

    Being social means fully expressing oneself. It’s not about trying to fit into some group and trying to be liked by everyone. It’s about being socially comfortable, confident in interacting with other people.

    The key is being social, seductive, and sexual at the appropriate time. Focus social energy to the group, while being seductive and sexual with the hot girls.

  4. In response to Phil:

    I agree being social is a good skill to have, that being said I know plenty of guys who are more social than me and are VIRGINS.

    I think what Rob is getting at here is that you should align what you want with what you are doing. If you want to be social and have girls laughing at your purple fuzzy top hat all night long than by all means go right ahead. If you want to get girls, don’t waste time and effort in social limbo

  5. Great comments. I agree with pretty much everything you guys said.

    One distinction I should have made in the article is this: If you’re a newbie or your intent is to get over your social anxiety, then being social is the best thing you can do.

    Like John said, I think being social is detrimental to guys who have been doing pickup for a few months, but aren’t getting the results they want. In that case, I believe many guys use “acting social” as a crutch to hide their true intentions.

    If you want to go out and be social, that’s great–however, you shouldn’t then also claim you’re “going to meet women.” Because if you’re going out to meet women, then should be your prime objective. You may wind up being social as a result of going out to meet women, but it should not be your primary intention. I see a lot of guys delude themselves by thinking being social is somehow synonymous with pickup–it’s not.

  6. I agree with the idea that being social will help you get rid of your approach anxiety but being too social can definitely make it look like you are not trying to pick her up at all…but instead have a lengthy conversation and prove that you are into her…the difference between direct method and indirect method. Exactly why direct method has a higher reward.

  7. Someone once said “don’t be social be SEXUAL”

    I just will add that If you want to have ton of friends then be social.

  8. I once took the advice of other dating gurus and got social. I even joined Toastmasters because they said that’ll it’ll raise my status. Well, it did… but not my ‘Sexual’ status.

    I never got anywhere… just a lot of chatting with guys and ‘girls that I was never attracted to.’

    It was a bummer…

  9. God, this post is gold.

    I haven’t had the success I want because of social anxieties. But when I actually want to know the time or directions or anything like that, I feel no anxiety going up to anyone and asking. It’s when I try to do these exact things as ‘social exercises’ that I feel weird, because I’m doing something that I don’t want to do, don’t need to do and don’t feel congruent doing.

    The same thing might be true of openers. I don’t want to know your opinion on some made up story! I don’t even want to pretend something happened to me that didn’t. I just want to pick up the girl. You and Mark Manson are opening my eyes to the most obvious truths ever.. you can just approach any woman, be normal and sexual, and succeed. No need to be fake and weird, saying things that I think are bullshit myself..

  10. You are correct, Rob — meeting women is as easy as introducing yourself. As we’ve posted on the Black Belt Bachelor blog, the easiest women to meet are the hottest girls in the room. You are also correct in writing that the biggest obstacle to success in making that introduction is your Self. However, there’s a problem with your article and it’s this: being social is not a bad thing and it should not hurt your chances of meeting exceptional women. Being social does not “give you a chance to hide your personality”. Quite the opposite is true. Here’s why: (1) going out should expand your opportunities to meet good people, not just hot women; (2) women are drawn to men who are comfortable across situations and women LOVE men who are confident in any environment; and, (3) having social capital is a huge asset to men who want to meet amazing, hot women. Not being social, not stretching your social capabilities and not expanding your social network is NORMAL. The hottest women you will meet don’t want a normal guy — they want someone who is going to give them what most women want: an exceptional life, adventure, romance, and stability. Think of men who are providers of what’s exceptional and you will find someone who thrives on the energy of being around other people — in other words, a highly social male.

  11. they want someone who is going to give them what most women want: an exceptional life, adventure, romance, and stability. Think of men who are providers of what’s exceptional and you will find someone who thrives on the energy of being around other people — in other words, a highly

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes:

<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>


*