Before I delve into dating, let me digress for a moment. I want to confess something…
I suck at sports.
I’m uncoordinated. I don’t have much leg speed. And my body seems unable to accept the “proper form” of any sort of sports movement—from the wrist flick of a jump shot to the elbow snap of a golf swing.
For most of my life, I had to endure my suckiness at sports as the last pick in a street hockey game or the benchwarmer for the junior varsity baseball team. Even worse, my circle of friends loved playing the always-embarrassing game of one-on-one basketball. Here my athletic inadequacy was put on center stage as my opponents enjoyed “showboating” their way to big wins at my humiliating expense.
Whenever I hear guys bragging about “AMOGing” other dudes or how they blasted into a “really hard set,” I hear guys who are doing pickup to do pickup—and who are NOT out to actually meet women
Finally, when I reached high school, I discovered a sport I was not only good at—that I actually excelled in. That sport was the masochistic pastime known as long distance running. Unknown to me for the first decade and a half of my life, my legs were brimming with slow-twitch muscles that could churn out 4 minute and 30 second miles.
Each day after school, I’d blast out 10 mile runs or persevere through long series of half mile sprints. I quickly developed my heart, lungs, and legs to a super-human level. I ran at the New York State Cross Country meet, I qualified for the all-city championship team, and I eventually won a scholarship to a Division 1 college.
Not only that, I transferred my “endurance skills” to other aspects of my athletic endeavors. Notably, I began winning one-on-one basketball games. In fact, I went undefeated. Even though I still sucked at basketball, I now found I could beat just about anyone by running back and forth across the court. If my opponent didn’t follow me, I’d driveMotivation to actively approach and interact with women. When a man has a driven mindset, he will fearlessly—and shamelessly—pursue his goals and aspirations. (In the context of dating, that would be a woman he finds attractive.) to the hoop for an easy lay-up. If he did guard me, I could completely exhaust him within minutes, making winning a cinch.
Now obviously this “style of play” drew criticism. People accused me of playing “cheap,” they said I was turning a basketball game into a track meet. When I’d ask them to explain what was “cheap” about that, they’d scream, “You’re taking the fun out of the game! We’re supposed to be playing basketball!”
Playing to Win
My retort to my critics was always: “I don’t play basketball to ‘play basketball,’ I play basketball to win.” And, now that I’m a dating instructor, my feelings haven’t changed in the slightest. I have the exact same attitude when it comes to meeting women: “I don’t do pickup to ‘do pickup,’ I do pickup to hookup with chicks.”
Sounds obvious, right? Well, the vast majority of guys I meet do pickup to ‘do pickup.’ Sometimes I wonder if these guys are even trying to actually hookup with chicks. A huge criticism of the “Pickup Community” is its rabid glorification of “pickup skills,” and its de-emphasis on actual women.
Whenever I hear guys bragging about “AMOGing” other dudes or how they blasted into a “really hard set,” I hear guys who are doing pickup to do pickup—and who are NOT out to actually meet women. There was a period where I too went through this phase, where I felt I needed to approach every girl, where I felt I needed to prove the size of my “balls” by going into “hard sets,” where I was convinced I needed to antagonize guys to improve my “pickup skillset.”
In fact, if you ever use the phrase “pickup skillset” in a non-ironic way, you probably glorify pickup skills way too much. It always amazes me how I (and other guys) got so sidetracked with “pickup skills” rather than focusing on what counts: WOMEN! Ask yourself this: If you could execute the PERFECT PICKUP in front of all your pickup friends but NOT have sex with the girl you picked up, would you choose that over having sex with a girl you picked up BUT WERE NEVER ABLE TO TELL ANYONE ABOUT IT?
You may think that question is ridiculous, but what do most “pickup community” guys do when they pick up a chick? RUN ONLINE TO WRITE ABOUT IT. And most of the time these “reports” read like an ESPN highlight reel of PUA Power-plays. Frame control! AMOGs! Genius openers! Going caveman, brah!!!
That shit is gay—both figuratively and literally.
If you didn’t get into “the pickup community” to impress men, do what works. Play to your strengths. Don’t worry if you’re not “doing pickup.” Remember my retort to my exhausted critics on the basketball court: “I don’t play basketball to ‘play basketball,’ I play basketball to win.” For me, basketball isn’t fun—winning’s fun.
It always amazes me how I (and other guys) got so sidetracked with “pickup skills” rather than focusing on what counts: WOMEN
Likewise, you shouldn’t do pickup to ‘do pickup’—do pickup to hookup with chicks.” Hopefully to you, pickup isn’t fun either—hooking up with chicks is fun. So start acting like it—even if “the critics” have a problem with it.