Sometimes I feel like a fortuneteller. I can often tell a guy’s future. I can tell how a guy’s is going to progress, what sort of girl he’s going to end up with, and how happy he’ll most likely be.
But I don’t know this by some mystical magic ball or an enchanted set of tarot cards. No, my augurs come from something much less exciting…
I can tell by the questions he asks me.
As someone who gets bombarded with questions every day on email, Facebook, Tweeter, and the like, I’ve begun to see patterns. In general, the questions I receive usually fall into two categories:
- Temporary fixes
- Long-term gains
For example, a temporary fix question might be, “How can I attract this girl in my class?” Long-term gains, on the other hand, are questions like, “How can I keep myself motivated to keep meeting women?” Just about every question anyone’s ever asked me has fallen into those 2 categories.
Not only do I get a lot of these questions on the internet.com, I also get peppered with these sorts of questions on my live programs (obviously). Often students want to know the best way to approach a certain girl or what to do in a certain situation.
While I can completely understand why my student would ask that, I also know the answer I want to give him won’t make him happy. I want to tell him that it doesn’t really matter that much.
While I could teach guys temporary fixes, ultimately it’s like when Wile E. Coyote runs off a cliff in Looney Tunes. Wile E. Coyote will keep running until he notices there’s no solid ground under him, then he’ll plummet into the canyon below. Likewise, I could give guys a long string of “quick fixes” but eventually there’s going to come point—maybe 2 minutes into an interaction or maybe 2 weeks into a relationship—where he doesn’t know what to do. Then, like Wile E. Coyote, he’s going find himself helplessly plummeting…
That’s why I’ve distilled my entire teaching philosophy down to 2 sets of core principles: 4-EG and F.E.R.A. While this blog post isn’t the forum to detail those principles, I mention them because they emphasize long-term gains rather than quick fixes.
As a teacher, I feel I have a responsibility to focus most of my material on long-term gains. But, likewise, as a student, you have a responsibility (to yourself) to put the majority of your attention into long-term gains, too. If you’re wondering what to do in a certain situation, with a certain girl, at a certain time, chances are you have the wrong attitude. (And, the brutal truth is: chances are that if you’re thinking about that stuff, then you’ve already blown it with that girl or situation anyway.)
I know this may sound obvious, but like I said, I can often foresee a guy’s future success or failure based solely on the questions he’s asking me. If he’s asking me stupid-ass, short-term questions, I know it won’t matter how well I teach him—he’s still going to fail.
That’s because he has the wrong attitude. As the old cliché goes, you can lead a horse to water…
…likewise, you can take a guy to a nightclub, you can tell him everything he needs to know about meeting women, yet if that guy can’t see the forest for the trees, and can’t stop getting emotionally and intellectually hung up in every single girl he encounters, then he’s never to succeed with women. Ever.
So let this short post serve as reminder: reorient your thinking. Don’t be another fated failure because you can’t get over your pride and risk a few rejections. You’re not going to breeze through this journey without some friction and embarrassment. There’s a reason the failure rate is so incredibly high in this industry: because the price of your pride is fucking expensive. (It’s even more expensive than Annihilation Method!)
Your pride is what causes you to ask stupid-ass, short-term questions. It’s the pride you put into never letting yourself fail—not even once. Fuck that. Unless you want to set yourself up for a LIFE OF FAILURE, learn to focus on the long-term gains. Ask the questions that will bring you success 3 months from now, not 3 minutes from now.
Be a stud, not a Wile E. Coyote.