If we were to meet up, have a drink together, and then go meet women, it would only take us seeing you do one approach to figure out if you’re good with women or not. It wouldn’t necessarily matter if you “got” the girl. No.
Over all the years, we’ve learned there are really only two ways to tell if a guy’s good with women. Here’s how: when approaching, are the girls:
- 1. Loving him, or
- 2. Hating him?
Essentially, every guy who is successful with women does one thing: he elicits a response.
A guy who’s good with women doesn’t get “lukewarm” responses. He doesn’t have women politely chatting to him or dismissing him with a courteous back turn.
Instead, he gets fireworks either way—she’s jumping all over him or she’s running far away from him. There’s really not much middle ground.
Most guys don’t have the balls to play “the game” like this. The vast majority of guys try to meet women in a way that’s safe and cowardly. And so most “dating advice” is written for men who want to avoid rejection by getting it “perfect.”
This “perfection paradigm” is why so many men feel anxiety around women. We call it a “paradigm” because it’s the “mental filter” guys use to guide their actions when interacting with women. Rather than “eliciting a response” (which sometimes leads to social friction), most guys try to politely avoid friction by being “perfect.”
If you’ve ever been “stuck in your head,” this is why. If you’ve ever gotten worse after studying pickup material, this is why. It’s because you believed in the “perfection paradigm.”
This was our problem for years. We’d study more and more material, believing we could one day “perfect” our pickups.
Zack eventually realized that meeting women is anything but perfect; in fact, if you ever pickup a woman “perfectly,” it probably means you did something wrong!
Rather than expect perfection, shift your paradigm: expect some friction. When we switched our “paradigm” and started going to nightclubs expecting to get slapped or expecting to offend women, we started getting better results! Sure we encountered some friction along the way—but that’s where the real game is played.
Here’s a simple way to think about this paradigm:
Meeting women is about doing what you want, when you want, with the girl you want. And so your “game” is simply about tactfully handling the social friction you encounter when you do what you want, when you want, with the girl you want.
Notice: “the game” only begins when she puts the brakes on and you hit some friction. This may sound simple, but think of how different this is from the “perfection paradigm.” In the past, you probably interacted with women reactively. That’s because most dating advice advocates a “ready, aim, fire” approach.
Well, we’re telling you to do the inverse of that: try a “fire, aim, ready” approach. Sure it might not sound as pretty as the old paradigm, nor is it as intuitive, nor does it cater to cowards who crave “perfection,” yet it’s what we’ve found to work in reality. Time after time.
The game is played in damage control; it’s not played walking on eggshells, trying to appease people and get it “perfect.”
Get over your anxiety around women by getting over yourself. It’s not about being “perfect”—the old paradigm. It’s about acting in alignment with your honest intentions. If you’re approaching an attractive woman, your honest intention is intimacy with her, right? So why hide it?
Show her how you feel by doing what you want. When she doesn’t like it, you’ll deal with it. In fact, you’ll enjoy dealing with it. And that, my friends, is how the new game is played.