If we were to meet up, have a drink together, and then go meet women, it would only take us seeing you do one approach to figure out if you’re good with women or not. It wouldn’t necessarily matter if you “got” the girl. No.

Over all the years, we’ve learned there are really only two ways to tell if a guy’s good with women. Here’s how: when approaching, are the girls:

  1. 1. Loving him, or
  2. 2. Hating him?

Essentially, every guy who is successful with women does one thing: he elicits a response.

A guy who’s good with women doesn’t get “lukewarm” responses. He doesn’t have women politely chatting to him or dismissing him with a courteous back turn.

Instead, he gets fireworks either way—she’s jumping all over him or she’s running far away from him. There’s really not much middle ground.

You Have The Balls?

Most guys don’t have the balls to play “the game” like this. The vast majority of guys try to meet women in a way that’s safe and cowardly. And so most “dating advice” is written for men who want to avoid rejection by getting it “perfect.”

The game is played in damage control; it’s not played walking on eggshells, trying to appease people and get it “perfect.”

This “perfection paradigm” is why so many men feel anxiety around women. We call it a “paradigm” because it’s the “mental filter” guys use to guide their actions when interacting with women. Rather than “eliciting a response” (which sometimes leads to social friction), most guys try to politely avoid friction by being “perfect.”

If you’ve ever been “stuck in your head,” this is why. If you’ve ever gotten worse after studying pickup material, this is why. It’s because you believed in the “perfection paradigmThe mental filter that guys adapt in a futile attempt to appear “perfect” in front of women..”

This was our problem for years. We’d study more and more material, believing we could one day “perfect” our pickups.

Zack eventually realized that meeting women is anything but perfect; in fact, if you ever pickup a woman “perfectly,” it probably means you did something wrong!

Rather than expect perfection, shift your paradigm: expect some friction. When we switched our “paradigm” and started going to nightclubs expecting to get slapped or expecting to offend women, we started getting better results! Sure we encountered some friction along the way—but that’s where the real game is played.

Do It Your Way

Here’s a simple way to think about this paradigm:

Meeting women is about doing what you want, when you want, with the girl you want.  And so your “game” is simply about tactfully handling the social friction you encounter when you do what you want, when you want, with the girl you want.

Notice: “the game” only begins when she puts the brakes on and you hit some friction. This may sound simple, but think of how different this is from the “perfection paradigm.” In the past, you probably interacted with women reactively. That’s because most dating advice advocates a “ready, aim, fire” approach.

Well, we’re telling you to do the inverse of that: try a “fire, aim, ready” approach. Sure it might not sound as pretty as the old paradigm, nor is it as intuitive, nor does it cater to cowards who crave “perfection,” yet it’s what we’ve found to work in reality. Time after time.

The game is played in damage control; it’s not played walking on eggshells, trying to appease people and get it “perfect.”

Get over your anxiety around women by getting over yourself. It’s not about being “perfect”—the old paradigm. It’s about acting in alignment with your honest intentions. If you’re approaching an attractive woman, your honest intention is intimacy with her, right? So why hide it?

Show her how you feel by doing what you want. When she doesn’t like it, you’ll deal with it. In fact, you’ll enjoy dealing with it. And that, my friends, is how the new game is played.

  1. Yeah we have all been there with getting stuck in our head. Thats why I like to just do about 5 warm up sets and then it usually flows better

  2. Good article. It makes me cringe when some guys I know just get plain ignored by girls in clubs. They haven’t got the physical presence or don’t speak in a loud voice which cuts through the music, and in addition to this they often also play it safe in terms of what they say. All these combined make it easy for a girl just to ignore the guy, and he soon just looks like a fly buzzing around her.

  3. Best article I read for the week.I’ve been there.In fact,Im still there[perfection mode],so this article really shed light on letting your guards down and not be afrai of friction.

  4. Holy crap,this really is a paradigm shifter. I am a perfectionist idealist historically (with everything in my life)

    Where do you have a comprehensive training on DAMAGE CONTROL?

  5. Uh… I don’t know if I fully agree with this. But then, I’m not quite experienced in this area. The (way too few) times I’ve experienced success, I didn’t experience any friction from the girl. No, things didn’t go perfectly, but they could have because I spent too much time thinking of the next ‘slick move’, while all I needed to do was just seal the deal…

    This wasn’t about damage control, but about ‘know when to act and don’t wait for too long’.

  6. Ah, but now however I’ve read the ‘comic’, and I think I understand what you mean! Time to try this in real life. 😉

  7. wow. GREAT article. GREAT viewpoint. makes sense as to why it would be so much more effective and more importantly, so much more real. That, in turn, would seem to allow you to more readily accept the paradigm shift. But here’s the biggest stumbling block for most (I suspect – certainly is for me). You spend your entire freaking life learning to AVOID causing social friction with others. Not saying that I learned to agree with everyone. I disagree all the time and I’m quite passionate and animated butttt…..I am careful to not offend. I’m diplomatic. In addition, what guy wants a friend that causes social friction? Guys HATE that shit. we dont want drama between friends. we hate drama. girls love drama. So what I am having the hardest time with is accepting the belief that causing “social friction” with women is not a dick move. You say be yourself, well my self is a highly considerate person who does decently with women but nowhere near where I want to be. I know its because I care too much about not offending. My charm, wit, energy etc get me pretty far but, compared to a good pua, maybe I register a 4 out of 10. So, how to get over this problem? my attitude in life is to experience and learn what it is to be human and have as much fun as possible while positively impacting people along the way. Putting myself in the mind of a woman being approached by a guy who acts like a wanker and puts me in a bad mood is “gee thanks asshole, I was having a good time till you came up to me and acted like a dick”. I dont want to make people feel that way!!! I imagine it being the same feeling as when a douchebag approaches you in the parking lot asking you for money cuz his imaginary car ran out of imaginary gas. And I’m supposed to be okay with making women feel that way? I’m the guy who makes the cashier or teller or flight attendant laugh, not the self-centered dick who bowls over people if they get in the way of what he wants. I know this is a flawed way of thinking but thats not the question. The point is MOST guys feel this way. The question is, what does it take to change that belief? It has to be compelling and reasonable or else it won’t change that part of our brains that tell us what we think to be true. So far, I have been going the route of trying to study female psychology and how triggering varying emotional states can turn a woman on and thats been helping but I would love to hear what you have to say about this one, main, HUGE hurdle. Resolving this one issue would gain you tremendous loyalty (from me at least!) : )


  8. Excellent article.

    I should have read this article when I had learnt all this pick up stuff to begin with.Forget chasing perfection, you are the best version of you right now.

    The game is called a game for a reason its like playing Super Mario Brothers on the PlayStation.

  9. Great article here Rob. Too many times I’ve tried to be perfect with girls. The few times when I’ve been myself, direct and honest about my intentions it actually ended up being a lot more fun of a pick up than the ones where I try to act as if I don’t want to sleep with the girl. I’m going to continue to test this to see improvements.


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