Before we get into the content, I just want to make a quick announcement for anyone in London: I’m going to be running a special London live program on the weekend of August 26-28. This will be the LAST UK program I run for a while, so if you’re interested in doing live coaching this is your chance.

There’s only one seat left on this program, so email me ASAP if you’re interested (rob at

Now, onto the content…

When I was creating The Advanced Dating Strategies, I chose 21 “outer game” strategies that help keep an interaction with an attractive woman moving toward success. What most users of the course seem to enjoy most about the content is that these 21 strategies aren’t lines or gimmicks.

They’re merely ways to package YOUR personality in a way that’s attractive and sexual.

The Golden Ticket…

Along that same vein, there’s been a “22nd strategy” that I’ve wanted to write about for a while. This strategy is what I call “self-reference” and it’s basically your golden ticket to always coming off awesome when you’re talking to women.

As the name implies, self-reference means you point out something you did or are going to do. I’ll demonstrate exactly what I’m talking about in a moment, but first I want to explain why this strategy is so effective.

Most of the time when guys chat with women, they try to come off perfect. This is why some men brag, other men “DHV“Demonstrating Higher Value,” a PUA term that involves subtle (or not so subtle) bragging. Rob Judge frowns upon this behavior, believing it often leads to guys looking like douche-bags.,” and still others just try to appear like they got it all figured out. Logically and intuitively it makes sense to act like this; however, in reality, this accomplishes the exact opposite of attraction.

When a woman can tell a guy is trying to come off cool or perfect, she immediately pegs him as unattractive. Words women use to describe men like “tool,” “douche bag,” “loser,” and the like all derive from the common root of trying too hard. Many men fail with women for this reason alone!

Ironically, by acknowledging your “imperfection” you achieve the same effect that the “perfectionists” strive for: you win a woman’s respect and admiration.

Paradoxically, however, it’s hard to consciously study dating advice and not come off as if you’re “trying” around women. Applying dating advice necessitates that you try.

But there’s a solution. It’s perfectly okay to “try” so long as you don’t take things too seriously. If you apply dating advice with a sense of humor, then you can try as much as you’d like without coming across as a try-hard.

No One Is Perfect

You may be wondering how this works. If you try without taking it seriously, a woman will see you’re not trying to be “perfect.” If you remove the “perfection expectation” from the trying, it’s no longer annoying. In fact, your behavior actually becomes endearing!

That’s because women can tell you’re not some pompous idiot who’s acting fake. Having a sense of humor about trying makes you appear more sincere and genuine. Though, when I write “have a sense of humor,” I don’t mean you need to be Jerry Seinfeld. You just need to feel comfortable with “self-reference.”

Let’s look at a few examples to better understand this…

  • Guy approaches a woman on a crowded subway and says, “I know this is totally random, and I might seem like one of those crazy people on the subway, but I just had come over and say I think you’re really cute.”
  • Guy approaches a woman at a bar and fumbles over his opening line. He smiles and says, “Wow, I can hardly speak around you. Do you always have this kind of effect on men?”
  • Guy is on a date and brings up a sexual topic too early on, offending the girl. He shakes his head and says, “Yeah, that was pretty stupid of me. I obviously get a little excited sometimes and blurt things out. As much as I’d like to blame it on my gender and say “it’s just a guy thing” it’s really just a “me” thing. My apologies.”
  • Guy wants to ask a girl to come home with him at the end of the night. He looks her in the eye and says, “I don’t want to be “that creepy guy” but I want take you home right now. I like you.”

In all those examples, by “self-referencing” the situation, feeling, or action, the guy deflates a lot of weirdness, awkwardness, and “tryingness” of what’s going on. Self-reference truly is like a “get out of jail free” card that you can use whenever you hit some friction around women. You can use this strategy over text, on a date, in the beginning of a pickup or even in the final moments when you’re about to have sex.

When a woman can tell a guy is trying to come off cool or perfect, she immediately pegs him as unattractive.

The effectiveness of “self-reference” rests on showing a woman that you’re not afraid of appearing imperfect. Ironically, by acknowledging your “imperfection” you achieve the same effect that the “perfectionists” strive for: you win a woman’s respect and admiration.

So the next time you’re faced with some friction or a situation you’re unsure about, remember to keep your sense of humor. And a turnkey way to keep that sense of humor is through self-reference.

That’s just one example of the type of “outer game” strategies that make up our Advanced Dating Strategies training course. In that course, you’ll learn 21 more strategies just like “self-reference” that will enhance your personality so that your most attractive self is shining through all the time. Check it out by clicking HERE.

  1. Help on frames and lenght in phone calls.

    Hey guys I don’t want to make a long story explaining why I’m asking this because the question is really simple (to anybody who has been in my situation).

    How long a phone call must last with a chic you want make your fuck buddy, lay her ASAP, and the same you have had a very sexual framed interaction since the approach?

    I’m asking because I’m having great, 3 hours long and pleasurable conversations with some of the girls I talk on the phone, I sexualise when I have the opportunity. But I think, probablly the lenght is still changing the frames and purpose of our interaction confusing them and probably delaying sex.

    I remember that I don’t have a lot of experience creating friends with benefits or having snls. Need help of guys who does.

    I love to call, and I do with some of those numbers calling each day, once.

  2. Yeah, some people call this calibration. I find being authentic about your awkward situation usually deflates the pressure to be perfect. Be authentic!

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