Quick shout out to my good New York buddies Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks. They’re releasing videos that explain their FEARLESS program, which I was honored to be a speaker at last year.
The content is really solid (so much so that it inspired my blog post today). So before you read this blog post, click on the link below and watch the short video so you understand where I’m coming from…
Funny how Christian and Nick released this video today because last night I was on a date, and saw this idea of “fear” play out exactly like they describe.
Imagine this scene…
I’m sitting across from this Japanese girl with incredible cleavage at a sushi restaurant in midtown Manhattan. Our table is on the second floor, right next to a waterfall (yes, there’s a fucking waterfall in the restaurant!). Chill lounge music bumps in the background as the tables fill up with couples.
At some point, I look up from the menu. My gaze narrowly avoids getting fixated on my date’s amazing cleavage and instead I take a glance around the room. I see a roomful of men’s faces—much like my own—but there’s something drastically different.
They all look scared.
The degree of fear varied—some guys look flat out petrified whereas other guys just looked moderately uncomfortable. But not a single guy looked like he was enjoying himself.
To me, this was shocking. Going on dates and meeting women is, in my opinion, one of the most fun ways to spend your time. I don’t understand how guys can look as if they are watching their dog get put to sleep as they sit across from an attractive girl.
As the evening progressed, our table was by far the loudest. My date and I were having the most fun, cracking up at each other’s joke, enjoying each other’s company, and conversing with passion and enthusiasm.
There was no table I would have rather been sitting in that restaurant other than my own. The grass wasn’t greener on anyone else’s side. It truly was a win-win date, and, as you’d imagine, it ended very happily for both of us.
Yet, at the same time, I always think back to my life before all this dating advice stuff. I certainly recognized the fearful look…because it was plastered all over my face every time I got within a 10-foot radius of an attractive girl.
The old backslapper credo of, “Just be yourself!” became an insurmountable task when you’re on the verge of peeing your pants from fear. It would be like dropping someone into a heavy combat zone and, as the helicopter is flying away and bullets are whizzing by, someone yells, “Hey, just be yourself dude and everything will be fine!”
This is precisely why I get so frustrated when I explain my job to “civilians.” Most people scoff at the idea of “dating advice” because they don’t understand the crippling fear that creeps in whenever a guy is in front of a girl he finds attractive.
Dating advice and meeting women IS as simple as “being yourself” once you can overcome your fear. But that is no small feat. And hence why I continue to write blogs, release products, and teach programs.
Devising ways to short-circuit men’s “fear mechanism” is the fastest way to get a guy acting like himself (which is inherently attractive). Of course, once a guy removes his feelings of fear, we can further tweak his communication style and approach (hence, courses like the Advanced Dating Strategies).
But it all has to begin with removing the fear. Be honest with yourself here: do women scare you? Do you feel completely comfortable around women? Are you excited to go on dates?
Or are you more like the guys I was observing in the sushi restaurant?
If you’re not the loudest table in the restaurant, with you and your date doubled over in laughter, enjoying the fuck out of each other, then you very well may be letting fear inhibit your ability to “just be yourself.”
While it’s all well and good for me to point out the “fear factor,” you’d probably much rather I explain how to circumvent fear. Aside from the great info in Christian and Nick’s video (seriously, check it out…. Click Here), the best advice I can give is…
“Jump off the high dive.”
That’s the phrase I use in my own head when I do something that scares the shit out of me. A few years ago, it was approaching girls. A few months ago, it was quitting my job to start my own business. Who knows what it will be tomorrow?
I’m certainly not fearless, but I also don’t let fear cripple my lifestyle. Everything I want out of life is just beyond my comfort zone. Women. Money. Respect. The only thing that’s preventing you from attaining those things is your own paralyzing fear.
Time to get fearless. Just off the high dive.
If you enjoyed this idea of FEAR, seriously check out what Christian and Nick are cooking! Click on the link below: