Empowered dating advice for men

Quick Conversation Tip: Say This, Get Girls [Video]

If you knew exactly what to say to get a woman laughing or excited to talk to you, how much easier would your life be?

Whether meeting a girl for the first time or talking to your long-term girlfriend, you’d always come off polished, charismatic, and attractive.

Moreover, the days of getting stuck making “small talk” or desperately trying to think of what to say would be long gone. So, if you have 5 minutes and 32 seconds to spare right now, I have a conversation tip for you…

Let’s face it: the “gift of gab” eludes most men. All-too-often guys find themselves playing “conversational ping pong” with women (see animation below).

You ask her a question…

…she answers. She asks you a question…

…you answer.

The conversation is nice.

The conversation is polite.

And the conversation leads leads straight to the FRIEND-ZONE.

Sound familiar?

Don’t worry; we’ve been there! We know how frustrating it can be to want your conversations with women to be fun and flirty, yet not know how to take it there. But there’s good news…

After much trial and error (emphasis on the error), we discovered the cure for “conversational ping pong.” Say goodbye to small talk because the solution is so effortless and simple, you’ll be a conversational stud in no time.


The Secret to Attractive Conversation is…

On the surface, talking to a woman is about getting to know her, and letting her get to know you. While that’s pretty obvious, there’s a RIGHT and WRONG way to do it.

WRONG WAY TO TALK TO WOMEN: Make the facts of each other’s lives the focus of the conversation.


She says:

So, where did you grow up?

He says:

Right near the Jersey Shore. How about you?

She says:

Long Island

He says:


While sharing facts is a necessary part of getting to know someone, facts alone ARE NOT ATTRACTIVE! It doesn’t get her INVESTED in the interaction because there’s nothing fun or interesting or exciting about an answer like, “I grew up near the Jersey Shore.”

It’s up to YOU to get her invested.

Make her want to get to know you! To do this, you need to inject personality into your answers. If you grew up near the Jersey Shore, how can you make that answer interesting or funny?

RIGHT WAY TO TALK TO WOMEN: Make the focus of the conversation what’s ENTERTAINING about the facts of each other’s lives (e.g., share anecdotes, quirky opinions, and funny stories about your life)


She says:

So, where did you grow up?

He says:

I grew up in a little beach-front village on the Atlantic. It’s home to an indigenous tribe of people who have their own reality show. You may have heard of it…it’s called…the Jersey Shore. They have this tribal dance. It’s called the fist-pump.

She says:

No way! I’m from Long Island and we totally invented the fist pump!

Notice how adding just a couple humorous details about growing up near the Jersey Shore changes the course of the conversation. It sidesteps the monotony of back-and-forth questions and answers.

An answer like this keeps the interaction from feeling like a job interview. Instead, it becomes about getting to know each other’s PERSONALITY, which is so much more fun and entertaining than straight facts.

How To Do It (Explained)

Here are three steps to take any “normal” fact about your life and turn it into a playful conversation:

  1. Think about questions you’re usually asked on dates
  2. Consider how you usually respond
  3. Take your responses a step further—what’s interesting or funny about your answer?

For example, if a woman asks about your family, you may be tempted to list your siblings or mention your relationship with your parents, but where’s the fun in that? Instead, why not share something humorous or entertaining about your family life.

Telling a woman that your dad is like “the white version of Carl Winslow” is way better than some generic fact she probably won’t even remember. Comparing your dad to a zany, hot-tempered character from a ‘90s sitcom injects personality into your answer. It conveys so much more than a bland fact.

…where’s the fun in that? Instead, why not share something humorous or entertaining about your family life.

Better yet, it sets a vibe that will be way more attractive.

Now, it’s your turn. Start brainstorming ways you can add personality when talking about aspects of your life. Not only will this make you exponentially better at talking to women, it’ll also loosen her up. She’ll feel comfortable revealing more about her personality, as well.

I guarantee you’re going to enjoy what comes next…

Welcome to the GREY AREA: Playing the Game Effectively

Love it or hate it, let’s just accept it: attracting women is a game. Thankfully, once you know the rules, you’ll know how to get the next hot woman you meet. Even more important than knowing how the game is played, you must understand how the game is WON.

Rule of the Game: DO NOT let her know how you feel about her right after you’ve met

Giving away too much, too soon makes her think she “has” you. You come off too predictable, too much of a sure thing. It lets her lump you into a category like:

  1. Another guy who wants me
  2. Another guy who likes me
  3. Another guy I have in the palm of my hand

You never want to end up in one of these categories. In fact, you never want to be in any category. If she can put you in a category, she thinks she has you all figured out. You’ll seem less fun and exciting to her, which is the same as saying less attractive.

Most women can figure out a man within minutes. That’s because most guys telegraph how interested they are in really obvious ways, like:

  1. Overtly kissing her ass
  2. Begging for her approval
  3. Trying to impress her (bragging)
  4. Agreeing with everything she says
Rule of the Game: NEVER turn into a girl’s social media fan

Liking or commenting on her Instagram and Facebook posts WILL NOT improve your chances. Just the opposite, you’re making it abundantly clear you have her up on a pedestal. If you become her social media fan, DO NOT pass Go, DO NOT collect $200, and DO NOT expect anything more than frustration and rejection!

Sometimes a guy will tip his hand in less obvious (but equally unattractive) ways. Some of the more subtle mistakes you can make with a woman are when you’re:

  1. Too available (via phone, text, or in person)
  2. Willing to cancel plans with your buddies for her
  3. Too agreeable and/or nice
  4. Always ready to do her favors

While subtle, once a woman notices a guy doing stuff like this, it’s game over. Don’t be surprised when she moves onto a guy she’s less sure about, one who seems like more of a challenge. In the next section, you’ll learn how you can be that challenging, sexy man.

Uncertainty is a “magic” word when it comes to keeping a woman interested.

The less certain a woman is about a guy, the more she’s in “THE GREY AREA,” trying to figure him out. Keep her guessing and you’ll stay on her mind because she’s constantly wondering, “Does he like me? He usually texts back within minutes, but I haven’t heard from him in over a day? What’s going on? Maybe his feelings changed…?”

When it comes to women, remember this simple equation:

The more uncertain she is about your feelings = the more she thinks about you = the more value she places on you

A woman will WORK to win over a man she values. It’s so much better if a woman feels she’s EARNED your time, attention, and approval rather than just having it handed to her.

When she starts WORKING to WIN YOU OVER you’re WINNING THE GAME! That’s the IDEAL situation to be in with ANY woman. She loves it, too. Women enjoy the game! It ignites her desire to win (you over).

Lucky for you, that usually means getting dolled up in her sexiest outfit. Enjoy! She’s hoping to get your attention. A win-win situation, for sure!

Rule of the Game: Avoid always trying to lock down your next date ASAP

A simple—but highly effective—way to introduce a healthy dose of uncertainty is to put on a poker face at the end of a date. The next time you and a woman spend an enjoyable evening together, the predictable move would be to immediately try and make future plans with her.

Don’t be so easy to figure out! Try saying this instead:

Okay, see you soon.

It will drive her CRAZY. Your nonchalant attitude will get her wondering if she’ll ever see you again and keep you on her mind—EXACTLY what you want.

She’ll go home questioning herself:

Did he have a good time?

Maybe he didn’t like my outfit. I knew I should have worn my sexy black dress!

Does my breath smell?

Rule of the Game: Vary the time you take to respond to her texts

Additionally, avoid being too predictable with your texting. While you don’t have to be too drastic, if you usually respond to her texts within minutes, sometimes wait a few hours—or even days—to respond.

When she’s on YOUR time, you’re on HER mind. THAT’s how the game was meant to be played!

How Sloppy 3AM Texts Melted an Ice Princess (not what you think)

A few months back, I posted this as my Facebook status:

If you’re reading this, you probably received a text from me last night (or, technically, this morning). Just wanted to say: I meant every word. Seriously. Totally wasn’t the 7½ beers talking ;] #goodtimes #goodtalk #seeyaoutthere

As you’d expect, my friend list reacted with comments and feedback that broke down into five basic categories:

A.Look at this idiot embarrassing himself

B. I’m concerned Rob may have a drinking problem…

C. WTF! Why didn’t he invite ME out!?

D. Now THAT’s how to fix coming on too strong!

E. Who cares what Rob is doing on Facebook…

Pop Quiz

Okay, so I’m willing to bet you 7½ beers that—if you had been on my friend list and saw that status—that, if asked to choose one of those five reactions, you would have chosen the WRONG response. Any by *wrong* I mean you aren’t fully understanding how this whole “dating apocalypse” thing works.

So I’m going to give you a chance to change your answer.

Reread my status and decide which reaction—A,B,C, D, or E—best describes why I’d knowingly—and willing—embarrass myself by making a public apology on Facebook for a drunk texting binge…

  • Was it a way to show that I don’t care what other people think about me (Choice A)?
  • Could it be a cry for help or a ploy for sympathy (Choice B)?
  • Perhaps it was a way to flaunt status and social connections (Choice C)?
  • Maybe it was a way to get back on equal footing after oozing too much interest (Choice D)?
  • Or maybe—just maybe—it doesn’t matter at all and you really shouldn’t care what I’m posting on Facebook (Choice E)?

Still unsure?

Here’s a hint…

The Backstory

The night (or morning) before I posted that status, I wasn’t out gallivanting all over town. In fact, I didn’t drink a beer—let alone 7½!

So what was I doing when all those all those gushy, booze-inspired texts were supposedly going out to anyone—and everyone—on my contact list? I was asleep, dreaming about this feisty little brunette, Lisa…

Unfortunately, the only place I saw Lisa anymore was in my dreams.

I know this is going to sound pathetic and hypocritical, but I was guilty of the same mistake I most often admonish other guys for making: I showed too much interest, too soon.

I stupidly listened to that little voice in my head—the voice Bobby calls “our inner dickless virgin”—which allowed me to convince myself, “Lisa’s different!”

  • “I don’t need to use game on Lisa…because she’s different!”
  • “I can’t take Lisa on my typical ‘first date’ (that almost always ends back at my place)…because she’s different!”
  • “It’s okay to tell Lisa how much I like her…because she’s different!”

It only took a few weeks of that sort of thinking until the only thing “different” about Lisa became how she felt about ME. Once she thought she had me, once I became predictable to her, once I proved to be just another predictable guy for Lisa to add to her fan club, the chase was over.

Her feelings were gone.

It seemed I blew my chance…

…but NOTHING is ever really “over” (thankfully!)

While few guys probably guessed it, the answer that best describes my Facebook status is “D—Now THAT’s how to fix coming on too strong!”

You see, while Lisa may have been barely replying to my texts, I was still “friends” with her on Facebook. I could still reach her—albeit indirectly—through her newsfeed.

That means I could use my posts to get in her head: to raise questions, to get her wondering, to leave her feeling less sure she “has” me.

Case-in-point: I knew Lisa would assume she’d be the first person I’d send a drunken text. My status would make her realize that’s not the case. I was texting someone—in fact, a lot of people—the night before, but not her.

This gets Lisa wondering:

  • Why didn’t he text ME?
  • Did he feelings change?
  • Why doesn’t he like ME anymore?
  • And if he wasn’t texting me then…who WAS he texting?!

Once a girl starts having these thoughts, it always leads to the same conclusion:

Maybe I was wrong; maybe I don’t “have” this guy…

Sure enough, only a few hours after my Facebook post I got a text from Lisa:

sounds like you had a fun night. where did u go? and where was my text lol


Back in the game (success!).

What is “Real”

Not only did I revive my chances with Lisa, I also gained yet another “case study” for a controversial new tactic Bobby and I are calling “Gaslighting.” If you’re familiar with psychology, you know gaslighting is a form of mind-control that involves altering someone’s perception of reality.

While neither Bobby nor myself would ever advocate hurting or abusing women, if you understand how gaslighting works and couple that with the cultural and technological changes happening in the dating apocalypse, you get a leg up on every other guy out there.

This is YOUR chance to be the sort of man women chase, adore, and obsess over.

(Trust me, both Bobby, myself, and our private coaching clients have been using gaslighting for the last 6 months and women certainly aren’t complaining!)

In fact, a lot of pre-dating apocalypse dating advice and tactics share similarities with gaslighting. (Just think of “The Scrambler” from our Unlock course.)

As powerful as those tactics are, the Dating Apocalypse enhances them EVEN MORE because now you can CONSTANTLY monopolize a woman’s thoughts.

If a woman’s phone is in her hand, you can hold her attention. And when she puts her phone away, you will stay on her mind.

But, to do that, you have to learn the “new rules” of the game.

Just as you probably didn’t realize “D” was the answer, you probably aren’t taking a counter-intuitive approach to the dating apocalypse.

How many guys would really think to apologize for drunken texts (that they didn’t even send) in order to get a girl who slipped away?


If you want to use this pivotal moment in history to your advantage, you need to accept that traditional dating is dead and usher in the new area by adapting to the new rules of the game.

Flip Her Mood with this Quick Conversation Technique

I got a killer conversation technique to share with you.

In fact, I used this exact move last night on a date and it ignited fireworks. Literally 0 to 60 in just a few words… But first, let’s talk about “the sinking ice feeling.” The sinking ice feeling is that feeling in your chest when you know you’re bombing.

When a girl is standing in front of you and nothing you’re saying is connecting.

Your jokes are falling flat.

You stumble over your words, saying “like” or “um” constantly.

And you just know that every word out of your mouth is pushing your girl further and further away.

And then…to make matters worse…the “the sinking ice” feeling gets even worse. Often once the “downwards spiral” begins, there’s no stopping it.

About Last Night…

Last night, I was visited by the ghosts of “the sinking ice feeling.” Granted, I haven’t felt this way in a LONG time, but last night, I was out to dinner with a girl I’ve been seeing and I was crashing and burning.

This girl told me that her “feelings changed” because I didn’t make enough of an effort to see her and that she was moving on. Bad as that was to hear, she kept pummeling me with all the phrases I never like hearing.

…you’re distant.

…I’m thinking about going on dates with other guys.

…I don’t think we can work things out.

At first, I tried to muster up some attractive banter and change her mood. I started teasing her and throwing out some jokes. But then, I got the ultimate diss:

Rob, I know you’re trying to win me back with your dating advice or whatever, but be serious for a moment. We’re breaking up.


There’s NOTHING worse than a girl calling you out for trying to use a little game! The sinking ice feeling turned into the glacier that sunk the Titanic!

There was only way I could get out of this one…

A technique I call “META-GAME.”

The meta game is when you acknowledge the “social dynamics” at play in your conversation. In other words, you own up to what you’re doing.

Which leads me into the ONE technique you can use TONIGHT to turn interactions around, even when you’re getting the “sinking ice feeling.”

The meta game is when you acknowledge the “social dynamics” at play in your conversation. In other words, you own up to what you’re doing.

Last night, that sounded something like this…

After my girl “called me out” for using my own “dating advice” on her, I said:

You’re absolutely right. I’m totally using dating advice right now. But why wouldn’t I? You’re an awesome girl. You look absolutely stunning tonight. I would be a fool if I didn’t sit here and give you my best material in a vain attempt to win you back.

Once I applied the meta-game, guess what happened…

My girl busted up laughing.

The Comeback Kid of Dating

Suddenly I wasn’t using dating advice as “manipulation”…I was using it to save our relationship!

And it didn’t stop there…

Once she was laughing, I continued by saying:

You see, the next thing I’m going to do is lean over and whisper in your ear something I’ve wanted you to know since I moment I first saw you…

Of course, I leaned over the table and whispered an attractive compliment in her ear.

I kept applying the meta-game all through our date, for example:

Now that we’re joking and laughing again, it’s only appropriate if I awkwardly try to kiss you, and then you push me away, but you secretly know you kinda want to kiss me, too.

See how this works? You basically “announce” or point out everything you’re doing!

This is pure gold. It gives you a way to turn the conversation around, even when it seems you reached the Point of No Return (aka “the sinking ice feeling”).

In a pickup, I often use this if I make a joke that doesn’t get any laughs. Rather than “pretend it didn’t happen” like most guys, I say:

Haha oh wow, that joke BOMBED! Man, that sounded really funny in my head but when it left my lips I instantly regretted it. Total awkward moment, but thank you for no giving me any pity laughs! At least I crashed and burned with a shred of dignity.

Whenever you “own” what you’re doing, you display “meta-game”…an awareness of social cues that 99% of guys don’t understand. Girls LOVE this because they’re very socially aware, too. When you demonstrate to them that you “get it,” you make yourself stand out from most other guys.

8 Honest (and Somewhat Harsh) Criticisms from a Dude who Gives Dating Advice

1. If you’re asking about this “one girl,” you already lost her

Very often dating instructors are mistaken for warlocks. There’s not a single dating instructor who can tell you how to salvage the situation with “that one girl” you can’t stop thinking about. It’s exactly like being 100 pounds overweight and asking a personal trainer, “What should I eat for lunch today that will get me sixpack abs by this evening?”

As absurd as it sounds, EVERY day for the last four years I’ve gotten at least two (and usually a lot more) emails asking me how to salvage a botched dating situation with “this one girl.” And EVERY guy thinks his situation is different, special, or unique. Look. Brutal truth: if you’re even ASKING about “one girl” then it’s already over.

Dating instructors, like personal trainers, only exist to elucidate the habits of attractive behavior so you won’t mess up with the NEXT girl.

2. It’s not your so-called “high standards” that’s stopping you from flirting with that “moderately cute” girl—it’s your pride

Now coming from someone who’s company is named “Date Hotter Girls” it’s tough for me to encourage guys to chase girls who they only find “so-so” or “moderately cute.” However, the vast majority of guys I’ve coached over the years have scoffed at the idea of approaching “somewhat cute” girls, insisting they only go for super hot girls.

Unfortunately, that’s where it gets tricky: once they finally spot a girl they deem acceptable for their flirting standards, they lack the competence to do it (and so usually defer from the approach altogether). In these situations, I’ve created a crass litmus paper test to deem if a girl is approachable: “If that girl was standing naked in front of you, would you feel even slightly aroused.” Answered honestly, most guys concede that even a “so-so” girl would arouse them in that scenario.

Thus, it’s not so much about having “high standards” (which almost every guy thinks he has, by the way) but rather it’s about having “too much pride.” Most guys aren’t afraid of approaching, flirting with, or even hooking up with a decently attractive girl; instead, they’re afraid of getting rejected by her. (Because that’ll ruffle their pride.)

Don’t make this mistake. Avoid the vicious paradoxical cycle of shying away from approaches due to “high standards” because you’re then going to shy away from approaching hot women due to “no experience.”

3. You could improve your appearance

Looks aren’t the only factor in dating, but they certainly are a factor. Even guys who consider themselves attractive often have a lot of room for improvement in their appearance. Whether it’s getting in shape, dressing better (and, yes, I’m advocating you invest in one very expensive, stylish outfit), improving your skin, or getting a haircut that better suits your face, there’s something to work on.

That’s not to say you need to be perfect, though perfection should be what you’re striving for. Most guys are around a 5-6 in looks, yet think they should be getting with girls who are 8’s or 9’s. The truth about male attractiveness is this: until you can yourself to a 7, studying dating advice is probably a waste of your time.

The good news is: becoming a “7” in looks in simply getting yourself to the point where you’re “not ugly.” That means you don’t have a fat or flabby body, you don’t have anything noticeably wrong with your teeth, you don’t dress like you’re in 7th grade, you don’t have some god-awful haircut, you don’t have any body odor, and you don’t have repulsive skin.

If you can simply get yourself to the point where you’re simply “not ugly” (which makes you a “7”), then you’ll see a return on investment for the time you put in studying dating advice. But until then, you’re just spinning your wheels (and your time is better spent working on your appearance rather than studying dating advice).

4. What you thought was an “epic encounter” probably wasn’t even a blip on her radar

A major, major, MAJOR issue most guys who study advice have is this: narcissism. In fact, it’s probably narcissism that drove you to study dating advice in the first place. By narcissism, I mean you probably believe that everyone is paying attention to your every move. Look. No one is analyzing you as if your life were a collection of ESPN Sportscenter bloopers and highlights.

Sorry to burst your self-important bubble but that girl you made out with Friday night at 2a.m. probably doesn’t remember you just like the girl who told you she’s a lesbian doesn’t remember you. Unless you do something absolutely incredible or atrociously bad, most people will probably only have vague (if any) memories of you and your quest to meet women. That comes with good news and bad news. The good news is you can stop worrying about all those bad approaches or thinking that people are labeling you as “that guy.”

The truth is, you’re not ANY guy to them. (And that’s because they’re too busy obsessing over their own narcissism.)

However, unfortunately, this also comes with some bad news. It means you have to stop playing and replaying those encounters in your head, microanalyzing every little nuance you had with that girl from the bar, that girl from work, that girl from wherever. Until you have sex with these girls, you’re hardly anyone of significance to her…and certainly not someone she’s putting much thought into.

5. If you’ve been weird all your life, dating advice isn’t going to help you

Now I know there’s introverts and shy guys who use dating advice to motivate them to get them out of their shell. And I’m not referring to those guys when I say “weird.” However, if you’ve gone through your life with very few friends and notice people avoiding you, or if you’ve been reported for “harassment” at work or whatever and you don’t understand why, or there are other telltale signs that you’re weird, then don’t look for answers in dating advice. Unfortunately, people who give dating advice are often mistaken for life coaches or, worse, therapists.

Most guys aren’t afraid of approaching, flirting with, or even hooking up with a decently attractive girl; instead, they’re afraid of getting rejected by her. (Because that’ll ruffle their pride.)

Dating advice cannot make you happy (or even normal) anymore than learning another language (or developing any other arbitrary skill) can make you happy. Working on an area of your life (like dating success) can create opportunities, which can lead to happiness, but it’s not a direct means to an end. Likewise, dating advice CANNOT (and I repeat CANNOT) cure your psychological or emotional issues.

I know it’s probably offensive to call people with such issues “weird” (though convenient for a blog post), but you have to realize: non-weird people don’t have serious issues. And it’s the non-weird people that dating advice is intended for. If you need professional help, dating advice will only exacerbate your issues. Make an appointment with a real therapist.

6. You need to value habits over goals

Whenever a guy hopes to improve himself, he usually sets a goal. For guys studying dating advice, those goals are often wanting to sleep with a certain number of girls, date a girl of a certain caliber of girl, or even do a certain number of approaches. While there’s absolutely nothing wrong with setting goals and desiring tangible success, goal setting alone isn’t incredibly effective for lifestyle changes. Rather than working toward a hard-and-fast goal, it’s better to examine the HABITS that will get you to that goal.

For example, some guys may want to have more sex. Rather than setting a goal like, “I want to have sex with 3 different women a month,” you’d be much better off developing a habit of getting physical faster or speaking in a more sexually-charged way. This is an over-simplified example, but hopefully you get the idea. Goals lead to short-term change, whereas habits produce lasting success.

Unfortunately I’ve seen guys sometimes hide behind goals, letting them use quantitative success to keep them from addressing the real issues holding them back. If fear of fast escalation is holding you back (to return to our example above), don’t measure success by how many girls you have sex with, but instead with the habits you’ve created for yourself that facilitate that goal.

7. You’ve GOT to stay on course (and not be swayed by the siren-song of “comfortable” solutions)

I’ve said it so many times, but I’ll say it again: don’t go off on tangents. So many guys go off on tangents in New York that it was actually the inspiration behind The 4 Elements of Game. Too often guys begin studying dating advice to “become better with women,” but get sidetracked in “trying to be more social” or “becoming more spiritually centered” or whatever other tangent becomes popular.

Sorry to burst your self-important bubble but that girl you made out with Friday night at 2a.m. probably doesn’t remember you just like the girl who told you she’s a lesbian doesn’t remember you.

Recently, I read a long treatise from a guy I know from New York who’s claiming the secret to becoming better with women is learning to act like “a supermodel 10” who doesn’t chase. The sad part is: plenty of guys were chiming in saying how “genius” this idea was. What I read is plenty of guys who want another tangent or excuse that will deliver them from facing their fears head-on. Getting better with women is about getting off your ass, approaching women, and hitting on them. It’s about sucking (and embarrassing yourself) for a fairly long period of time. And, eventually, getting decent at it.

You’re never going to reach a point where you “never get rejected.” You’re never going to reach a point where other guys are particularly happy that you’re hitting on girls. And you’re never going to reach a point where you can “act like a supermodel 10” and consistently get girls chasing you. If you whine that “cold approaching sucks” that’s fine, but then don’t expect to become good with women. There’s no other way around it.

And, if you try to get around it, you’re just going to send yourself off on a tangent that’s going to waste your time, energy, and money, and which will get you no closer to becoming successful with women.

8. Stop mistaking activity for productivity

The definitions are simple: activity is doing something; and productivity is doing something that moves you toward your aspirations. Reading this blog post is an activity. Going out is an activity. Approaching women is an activity. Facing your fears WHEN approaching women is productivity.

Every time you face a fear, you’re doing something PRODUCTIVE. If fear simply didn’t exist, dating advice would be reduced to a few short commandments: approach woman; speak from your passions; escalate physically; isolate her; lead and dominate; get sexual. That’s pretty much it. However, the reason hundreds of thousands of pages of dating advice has been written is because of the various fears each of those commandments elicits.

Be honest: the reason you’re reading this blog is because something is holding you back from becoming success with women. And that “something” isn’t some great intellectual idea you can’t comprehend—it’s your fear. And simply “doing something” isn’t enough to overcome that fear. That’s just an “activity.”

Get productive. Do things that confront your fear.

9. Finally, get over yourself

Stop taking yourself so seriously. And go meet women.

How to Text a Girl: The Tutorial

Look. I wrote Magnetic Messaging, which pretty much encapsulates everything I know about how to text a girl, yet some guys are still confused. I attribute this to 1 of 2 reasons:

  •  You don’t want to spend money on an eBook on texting women
  • You don’t understand the principles behind the keylock sequence

For those who refuse to spend money on the eBook, all I can say is this: how much is getting the girl you like out on a date worth to you? Sure, you can convince yourself you don’t need a “guide” to explain how to text women, yet do you really want to chance it with a girl you really like? If that really worth saving a few bucks?

So, seriously, if you haven’t checked out Magnetic yet, click here to learn more.

Now, for those who don’t fully understand the keylock sequence, or who simply want to learn more about it before taking the plunge and purchasing Magnetic, I dedicate this article to you.

So let’s get right into it…

The Secret Formula for Texting

If you’re still reading, you’ve probably wondered, “How do I text a girl? I want to ask her out, but don’t know the right way to do it…” Trust me, we’ve all been there. Probably you’re wondering:

  • Should I begin by texting her something sweet like, “It was fun talking to you…get home safe…”?
  • Should I just go for it in the first text and ask her out?
  • Should I send something flirty or even tease her?
  • Should I avoid text altogether and just call her?

These are very common questions and I want to address all of them. And, in order to do that, I need to clarify something:

The invention of the smartphone has killed off the traditional way of asking women out.

This point is so important, I’m going to state it again: The invention of the smartphone has killed off the traditional way of asking women out. Seriously. Write it on the back of your hand if you have to.

That’s because trying to set up women the “traditional” way is like trying to write a term paper on typewriter. It’s just stupid, a waste of time, and—ultimately—very ineffective.

Instead, embrace technology and use the smartphone to your advantage. Texting women in the “modern era” means understanding how to use text to maximize your success with women.

So, for starters, avoid ever sending texts that serve no purpose other than showing you’re “nice” or “polite.” Texts like “hello,” “what’s up,” “hope you got home safe,” or even “It’s Rick” are pointless and a total waste of time.

Keep in mind: texting women isn’t the same as meeting them face-to-face…so you don’t need to say hi or begin a “formal” conversation. Instead, cut right to the chase.

And to “cut right to the chase” I mean BEGIN FLIRTING IMMEDIATELY!

Don’t beat around the bush. Don’t act coy. Don’t waste time and texts with nonsense. Instead, your first text should get her to smile. I don’t want to write out specific texts because I’ve already done that here and here. However, use this as the “first text test”:

If you can get her to laugh or smile with your first text, you’re 1/3 of the way there.

Really, all your first text should do is get a smile or a giggle out of your girl, and you’re already 33% successful in setting up a date with her.

Next, you need to make some sort of CONNECTION. See, most guys overlook this crucial “texting ingredient” because they’re too caught up in looking cool or flirting too much.

No matter what, if this girl is going to meet up with you, she needs to feel you connect in SOME way, shape, or form. Therefore, you need to remind her of a common interest, inside joke, or even a quality about her that you appreciate.

The more genuine your “connection text” is, the better. In fact, the “second text test” is:

If you can get her to say “aww” or “that’s sweet” with your second text, you’re 2/3 of the way there.

Now keep in mind: in a perfect world, this would only take 1 text. However, we all know NOTHING is perfect. Sometimes it will take you more than 1 text to get her smiling or get her to moan, “aww.” It can sometimes take 4-5 texts to do so. And that’s perfectly fine. However…

Once you get the response you’re looking for, move onto the next text! So for example, once you get her smiling, don’t keep sending flirty emotional texts. Instead, move onto a connection text. And, likewise, once you establish a connection, don’t keep trying to make more of a connection. Instead move onto…

The final text: the proposed meet up text. Not only is this the most important text, it’s also the easiest. All you need to do now is “pull the trigger” and propose a date. For your best chance of success, keep it simple. We’ve often said the “best text of all time” is simply: “Drinks? Later?” It’s simply, to-the-point, and accomplishes the third and most crucial step, which is getting a meet up.

We’ve declared this 3-step series of text “the keylock sequence” because you can think of it as “putting a key into a lock (first text), turning it (second text), and opening a door (third text) to a fun and excited girl who can’t wait to meet up with you for a date.”

So, do yourself a favor, and stop ruining great opportunities for dates and relationships by neglecting your texting skills. Master “phone game” once and for all by grabbing your copy of Magnetic Messaging. Click here for more information

How To Kiss A Girl: A Tutorial

Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About How To Kiss A Girl

In most of my products and articles, I rarely go into much depth about how to kiss a girl. In my opinion, sexual escalation (like kissing) is more of an outgrowth of sexual tension. In The 4 Elements of Game I define kissing as a “release” behavior—something that releases the tension created when you’re interacting with a woman in an attractive, masculine way.

However, I know some guys out there like a more thorough and detailed explanation of how to kiss a girl. (This morning my inbox was flooded with the subject line “How To Kiss A Girl?”). Thus, I want to take this opportunity to further explain what I know about how to kiss a girl.

Before you read this article, you may want to check out the premier on kissing babes I wrote for TSB a few years back. Click on the link to check it out, How To Kiss A Girl.

It’s All About The Pre-Game

Most guys ask a question about kissing a girl, and think I’m going to give them an answer that they can apply a few seconds before the kiss and have it magically go down. In reality, a good kiss is 95% preparation and only 5% execution (totally made up statistics).

In other words, the determining factor of whether or not a girl deems your kiss “hot or not” is established in the moments leading up to the kiss. The shortest timeline for this “pre-game” would be about 2-5 minutes. However, in a typical date situation, the moments leading up to a kiss can span as long as 45 minutes to an hour.

Just a quick word to all the guys who enjoy going for fast make-outs (otherwise known as “flash game”): While it may make you feel cool to be able to get instant kisses from girls you just met (and I’m certainly not claiming I’m somehow above this), kissing a girl too soon or rushing the build-up to a kiss is not a good long-term strategy for building a solid connection with a woman.

While kissing babes is awesome, I personally enjoy the build-up to a kiss better, anyway. And certainly women would concur. No woman wants to feel like she’s a tongue receptacle for some aggressive horn-ball; instead, she wants a guy who understands how to create, maintain, and amplify sexual tension.

Thus, the bulk of this tutorial will center on the crucial aspects of the pre-game. Beginning with the most important aspect of the kiss: isolated discretion.

Step 1: Isolated Discretion

I know it sounds obvious that you need to be “isolated” with a girl to kiss her, but it’s still important to point out. A memorable kiss is a moment shared between you and a girl, and that’s it. Unless you’re “kissing the bride” at your wedding, you should really remain cognizant of the situation you and a girl are in.

Case-in-point: the other weekend I was chatting with a girl who I felt great chemistry with. We’d met because my friend began talking to her friend, and we naturally just gravitated to each other. Now, even though I wanted to kiss her (and the feeling seemed to be mutual), I restrained myself for an important reason: no discretion.

Personally, I don’t want a girl to think I’m some sex-starved horn-ball who will jump at any opportunity to sexually escalate (and I’m sure you agree). While I emphasize the importance of sexual escalation in all my articles and advice, the importance of being a sexually satisfied guy who’s in control of his emotions is MORE important than simply having the guts to go for a kiss.

So, if you’re planning a great kiss, the first step is to wait until you’re in a situation that is somewhat discrete. I’m not saying that you necessarily need to be one-on-one, beyond closed doors before going for the kiss. However, do respect her reputation and comfort levels. Most girls don’t feel comfortable engaging in public displays of affection (PDA), so don’t ruin your first kiss before it starts.

Make sure you have some privacy, and that it’s a personal moment between you and a girl before even considering a girl. This could be as simple as moving her 20 feet away from the crowd, or as elaborate as planning a date around taking her to a special “spot” where you know you’ll have some one-on-one time.

Step 2: Build Tension

As we already know, a great kiss doesn’t just appear out of thin air. Instead, it’s an outgrowth of the moments leading up to the kiss. Once you and a girl have some “isolated discretion,” it’s important you don’t just lunge into her and expect a kiss. You first need to build sexual tension.

If you’re unfamiliar with sexual tension, then I’d highly recommend you browse the archives of this blog or my column on TSB Magazine (or read my book, The 4 Elements of Game). Creating sexual tension is crucial for an enjoyable kiss.

Often the fastest and easiest way to create sexual tension is by giving a very direct, very bold compliment. Saying something like, “Wow, I wish you hadn’t worn this dress out tonight because it looks amazing on you, and now I can hardly think straight” is a perfect example. Why?

First off, the compliment is good-humored but also very bold. You’re complimenting her, but you’re also sort of “blaming” her for looking too good. This is so much than simply saying, “You look beautiful tonight” before it amplifies the tension of the compliment.

Using a compliment like that will electrify the moment, setting the stage for the kiss.

Step 3: Shameless Execution

Once you feel that “spark” of tension, it’s time to pull the trigger and go for the kiss. While that advice may sound very simply, it’s incredibly hard for most guys to follow. This is because most guys want to look for “signs” or “signals” that a girl wants to be kissed. Or worse, some guys even wait for a girl to kiss them (hardly ever happens!).

If you want to be a good kisser, you need to a high-stakes player. Don’t ask a woman if she wants to be kissed. Don’t drive yourself crazy looking for the “perfect signal.” Don’t even make the mistake of hesitating. Instead, just lean in and kiss her.

In other words: execute shamelessly.

Now, a girl may reject your first attempt at going for a kiss—this is perfectly fine. In all likelihood, it probably has nothing to do with you. So don’t feel rejected! Just respect her comfort levels, and go back into being normal. A immutable rule of kissing is this: if you attempt to kiss a girl, but she doesn’t kiss you back, BUT she’s still talking to you = she wants to kiss you but just needs more time.

In fact, if you really want a “signal” to know whether or not a woman is interested in you or wants to be kissed by you, simply go for the kiss and see what happens. If she’s still standing in front of you, you passed! You wants to be kissed! (Even if she didn’t kiss you right then and there.)

So there you have it: how to kiss a girl in 3 simple stages. Don’t over-think it. Don’t over-complicate it. Have confidence in yourself and pucker up.

Best Pickup Line

Quick Announcement: Bobby Rio and I released the book I wrote on TEXTING GIRLS the other day. Seriously, this is some of my best advice on communicating with women. Plus, you get the specific texts I send women…before reading this article, watch the video. (Trust me, click that link!)

Today I’m going to tell you the world’s best pickup line. Seriously. This pickup line is 100 percent foolproof and unless you’re a bumbling idiot, you can’t mess it up.

And no, this isn’t some “feel good dating advice” trick where I’m going to tell you to simply say hi and introduce yourself, and then explain how that’s the “best” line of all because it’s genuine.

No way.

This is an actual pickup line: a line (that you say) that picks up (hot chicks). How can I be so sure? Because the first time I used it, I picked up a world-famous supermodel (story in a moment).

Before I tell you the story and the line, however, I must make one disclaimer—this line only works in two places: bookstores and libraries.

…As I saw my chance to approach this absolute beauty slip away with each fleeting step she took, I decided I had to say something. Anything.

That’s it.

If you see an attractive girl in a bookstore or library, you’re good to go. If you see a woman anywhere else, I’m not promising anything.

Understanding why this line only works in “targeted” locations is VERY important—in fact, it will dramatically improve your understanding and success with women.

But we’ll get into the “theory” later.

First, the line.

So you probably know the scene: you’re browsing the aisles of your local bookstore or library. Suddenly, you look up and see that total bookworm hotty, also browsing.

It’s quiet enough to hear a mouse fart, so you’re cautious as you approach. What do I say? What do I say? you wonder as you make your way towards her.

You get within earshot of her and…nothing. You pick up a book and pretend to read. But you’re really just racking your brain, trying to think of something to say…something to say…SOMETHING TO SAY.

And Like That She Was Gone…

When you glance up from your pretend reading, you see she’s walking away. She’s leaving and you said NOTHING. Your inability to even open your mouth tortures you. So you take a step forward. But then you again realize how quiet it is. So you freeze. But then you feel tortured again. So you step forward. Freeze. Step forward. Freeze.

I know the scene all too well because I’ve been there. Specially, I was there on January 24, 2007 at about 3:30 in the afternoon in the “Bargain Books” section of a midtown Manhattan Barnes and Nobles.

I watched as a supermodel—literally a world-famous, 19-year-old, Dutch supermodel—walked away from me.

So now you’re obviously wondering: how the hell did a scrubby little 5”8 nerd like me convince a 6” blonde bombshell to join me for an instant coffee date at the Starbucks in Barnes and Nobles?

The line, my friends, the line.

Game Winning Shot

See, as I saw my chance to approach this absolute beauty slip away with each fleeting step she took, I decided I had to say something. Anything.

I ran down the aisle of Bargain Book and screamed, “Wait!” Everyone—including the supermodel—turned around. I had one chance to deliver a line that HAD to work. The pressure was on.

It was like getting passed a basketball with 1 second on the clock in 4th quarter when you’re team’s down by one. I had one chance—and just one chance—to take my shot.

I glanced to my left. Nothing.

I glanced to my right…and…something caught my eye. It was one of those hilarious romance novels. You know the ones I’m talking about, the books with those clichéd pictures on the cover.

But this book was special.

This one was downright ridiculous.

A Fabio clone tore at the breast of his shirt as some “damsel in distress” craned her neck in either ecstasy or misery. There was a wooden ship exploding in the background, making the absurdity just that much more absurd.

Without thinking, I grabbed the book and delivered what would become the greatest pickup line to use in a bookstore. Ever. Of all time. No line will ever surpass the combination of words that came out of my mouth in that moment.

I pointed to book and said:

This novel is loosely based on the events of my life.

The girl erupted in laugher. Game on. I was in. Moving closer, I pointed to the ecstatic “damsel” on the cover and joked,

Play your cards right and this could be you.

More side-splitting laughter. She was loving it. She was loving me. And we ended up going on a coffee date together on the spot.



Incredibly successful pickup.

Now why did this work and, more importantly, how can you get such a pickup line to work for you?

The reason a line like this works so well in a bookstore is for one simple reason: screening. A girl who spends time in a bookstore or library is a specific type of girl. She’s smart. She understands irony and subtly. She’s probably witty.

If I used this same line on a girl in a smutty nightclub, she might mistake it for bragging! A “nightclub chick” might actually mistakenly think that I’m trying to tell her that a fabled hunk ripping his shirt open is based on me.

Total misunderstanding.

And that’s why pickup lines are so tricky. What may work on one girl won’t work on another. A girl’s personality type factors into the way she feels attraction, how she perceives your communication, and even how she wants a guy to “pick her up.”

See, a girl in a bookstore probably wouldn’t respond to a “direct” pickup line. If I walked up and simply told that supermodel I thought she was cute and wanted to meet her, she probably would have written me off as some sleazy weirdo.

But since I began the interaction with humor and irony, she saw a different side of me—a side that’s attractive to her personality type.

Now I don’t presuppose to fully understand women by any means. As Sigmund Freud famously said: “The great question that has never been answered, and which I have not yet been able to answer, despite my thirty years of research into the feminine soul, is “What does a woman want?””

However, based on years of real-world experience coupled with a scientific system, I recently created an app that can help you unravel what “type” a woman is just by asking her a few simple questions.

A girl’s personality type factors into the way she feels attraction, how she perceives your communication, and even how she wants a guy to “pick her up.”

Imagine if you could figure out the BEST approach or the BEST date for girl you like just by asking her things like her favorite book or what sported she liked in high school. Indeed, you, too, can play out scenes like what happened to me in the bookstore just by understanding women’s personality types.

As one early user of the app said in his review, “The best app around that shows you how to get a girlfriend.” If you have a special girl—or girls—that you like, you need this app to show you the “blueprint” for attracting them.

Read more about this app (and grab it now while it’s still priced less than a cup of coffee!) by click on the link below:

Get a Girl App by Date Hotter Girls





Why I Don’t Do Kino [Life Advice on Texting Women]

Today I want to talk about texting.

(But for those of you who’d rather just watch a video rather than read an article, I understand: CLICK HERE.)

What I have to say about texting will do more than just rock your thumbs…it will change your life.

But to discuss something of such magnitude, I first need to explain my stance on kino…

…or lack thereof.

The Art Of Kino…

It all goes back to the dark ages of meeting and dating women. Back when wild packs of peacocked pickup gurus (P.U.G.s) roamed the earth. These gentlemen had a word for human touch.

They called it…


The word came to symbolize the gap between the sexes…the cure-all for our dating woes.

Want to generate attraction? More kino.

Stuck in the friend-zone? More kino.

Cure cancer? More kino.

Probably one of the BIGGEST gaps in most guys’ “game” is their inability to keep the FUN communication going over the course of an interaction.

You get the point. Guys over-emphasized the effectiveness of touch, believing that if they could just get their hands on more women that they would…well…get their hands on more women.

Now, don’t get me wrong: there’s nothing wrong with putting your hands on hot babes!

But to think of “kino” as a tactic is so…so…creepy!

It would be like showing up to a gang-bang wearing a submarine yellow biohazard suit.

It’s weird.

C’mon guys! This is MEETING, ATTRACTING, and DATING hot women! This isn’t a 7th grade science fair project!

Kino sounds like something I’d need safety goggles to try…and definitely NOT something that gets me closer to a gorgeous, passionate woman.

Not ONCE since I began enjoying success with women have I ever thought I was “applying kino” when touching some hot babe. No way! I’m simply enjoying myself, hands-first.

I know it may sound like I’m getting a bit “touchy” over such a small word, but it’s more than “just a word.”

It’s an attitude.

Kino doesn’t sound FUN.

It sounds like WORK.

Like something that requires a graphing calculator.

I don’t do “kino” because I like to make meeting women FUN. And EXCITING. And AWESOME.

This attitude applies to more than just “kino”…it should apply to EVERY aspect of the way you communicate with beautiful women.

How you “open.”

How you vibe.

How you get physical.

Put A Smile On

Probably one of the BIGGEST gaps in most guys’ “game” is their inability to keep the FUN communication going over the course of an interaction.

And this is especially true when guys pick up the phone to text or call a woman.

If you’ve ever encountered a “flakey” girl, you know I’m probably talking to you.

When you’re using your phone to follow-up with a girl, or ask a girl out on a date, or even check-in with your girlfriend, it should put a SMILE on your face.

I remember back when I worked in a soul-destroying office job as an editor of science magazines, the HIGHLIGHT of my day was when I whipped out my phone to text the babes I’d met over the weekend.

I made it fun by creating my own method for texting women that was more than just enjoyable…it was also EXTREMELY effective.

Not ONCE since I began enjoying success with women have I ever thought I was “applying kino” when touching some hot babe. No way! I’m simply enjoying myself, hands-first.

(If you have ANY experience with women, you obviously know that when you’re having fun, she’s having fun, and fun is attractive… So it’s not exactly hard to figure out why this works so astonishingly well.)

For the last year or so, I’ve been teaching tidbits of my texting method to live program students as well as writing the occasional TSB article or blog post on how to text girls. I’ve received tons of feedback from guys who said my tips helped them recover girls they previously thought it was “over” with.

So you know what I had to do…

I had to do what I do best: turn what I know into a book.

Back in September, I raided my old iPhone 3G (R.I.P.) and gleaned my best texts, insights, and ideas. I then weaved those concepts into a bible for texting women…

I proudly present: MAGNETIC MESSAGING.

Even if you have no interest in a book on texting women, I’d highly recommend watching the video below. It contains some really interesting “big idea” concepts on attraction and women: Check Out the FREE Video.

Are You Afraid of Women?

Quick shout out to my good New York buddies Christian Hudson and Nick Sparks. They’re releasing videos that explain their FEARLESS program, which I was honored to be a speaker at last year.

The content is really solid (so much so that it inspired my blog post today). So before you read this blog post, click on the link below and watch the short video so you understand where I’m coming from…

The 6 Signs that Tell a Woman You’re Afraid

Funny how Christian and Nick released this video today because last night I was on a date, and saw this idea of “fear” play out exactly like they describe.

Imagine this scene…

Be Very Afraid…

I’m sitting across from this Japanese girl with incredible cleavage at a sushi restaurant in midtown Manhattan. Our table is on the second floor, right next to a waterfall (yes, there’s a fucking waterfall in the restaurant!). Chill lounge music bumps in the background as the tables fill up with couples.

At some point, I look up from the menu. My gaze narrowly avoids getting fixated on my date’s amazing cleavage and instead I take a glance around the room. I see a roomful of men’s faces—much like my own—but there’s something drastically different.

They all look scared.

The degree of fear varied—some guys look flat out petrified whereas other guys just looked moderately uncomfortable. But not a single guy looked like he was enjoying himself.

To me, this was shocking. Going on dates and meeting women is, in my opinion, one of the most fun ways to spend your time. I don’t understand how guys can look as if they are watching their dog get put to sleep as they sit across from an attractive girl.

If you’re not the loudest table in the restaurant, with you and your date doubled over in laughter, enjoying the fuck out of each other, then you very well may be letting fear inhibit your ability to “just be yourself.”

As the evening progressed, our table was by far the loudest. My date and I were having the most fun, cracking up at each other’s joke, enjoying each other’s company, and conversing with passion and enthusiasm.

There was no table I would have rather been sitting in that restaurant other than my own. The grass wasn’t greener on anyone else’s side. It truly was a win-win date, and, as you’d imagine, it ended very happily for both of us.

Yet, at the same time, I always think back to my life before all this dating advice stuff. I certainly recognized the fearful look…because it was plastered all over my face every time I got within a 10-foot radius of an attractive girl.

The old backslapper credo of, “Just be yourself!” became an insurmountable task when you’re on the verge of peeing your pants from fear. It would be like dropping someone into a heavy combat zone and, as the helicopter is flying away and bullets are whizzing by, someone yells, “Hey, just be yourself dude and everything will be fine!”


This is precisely why I get so frustrated when I explain my job to “civilians.” Most people scoff at the idea of “dating advice” because they don’t understand the crippling fear that creeps in whenever a guy is in front of a girl he finds attractive.

Crushing the Fear

Dating advice and meeting women IS as simple as “being yourself” once you can overcome your fear. But that is no small feat. And hence why I continue to write blogs, release products, and teach programs.

Devising ways to short-circuit men’s “fear mechanism” is the fastest way to get a guy acting like himself (which is inherently attractive). Of course, once a guy removes his feelings of fear, we can further tweak his communication style and approach (hence, courses like the Advanced Dating Strategies).

But it all has to begin with removing the fear. Be honest with yourself here: do women scare you? Do you feel completely comfortable around women? Are you excited to go on dates?

Or are you more like the guys I was observing in the sushi restaurant?

The degree of fear varied—some guys look flat out petrified whereas other guys just looked moderately uncomfortable. But not a single guy looked like he was enjoying himself.

If you’re not the loudest table in the restaurant, with you and your date doubled over in laughter, enjoying the fuck out of each other, then you very well may be letting fear inhibit your ability to “just be yourself.”

While it’s all well and good for me to point out the “fear factor,” you’d probably much rather I explain how to circumvent fear. Aside from the great info in Christian and Nick’s video (seriously, check it out…. Click Here), the best advice I can give is…

“Jump off the high dive.”

That’s the phrase I use in my own head when I do something that scares the shit out of me. A few years ago, it was approaching girls. A few months ago, it was quitting my job to start my own business. Who knows what it will be tomorrow?

I’m certainly not fearless, but I also don’t let fear cripple my lifestyle. Everything I want out of life is just beyond my comfort zone. Women. Money. Respect. The only thing that’s preventing you from attaining those things is your own paralyzing fear.

Time to get fearless. Just off the high dive.

If you enjoyed this idea of FEAR, seriously check out what Christian and Nick are cooking! Click on the link below:

Learn about becoming FEARLESS