Everything You’ve Ever Wanted To Know About How To Kiss A Girl

In most of my products and articles, I rarely go into much depth about how to kiss a girl. In my opinion, sexual escalation (like kissing) is more of an outgrowth of sexual tension. In The 4 Elements of Game I define kissing as a “release” behavior—something that releases the tension created when you’re interacting with a woman in an attractive, masculine way.

However, I know some guys out there like a more thorough and detailed explanation of how to kiss a girl. (This morning my inbox was flooded with the subject line “How To Kiss A Girl?”). Thus, I want to take this opportunity to further explain what I know about how to kiss a girl.

Before you read this article, you may want to check out the premier on kissing babes I wrote for TSB a few years back. Click on the link to check it out, How To Kiss A Girl.

It’s All About The Pre-Game

Most guys ask a question about kissing a girl, and think I’m going to give them an answer that they can apply a few seconds before the kiss and have it magically go down. In reality, a good kiss is 95% preparation and only 5% execution (totally made up statistics).

In other words, the determining factor of whether or not a girl deems your kiss “hot or not” is established in the moments leading up to the kiss. The shortest timeline for this “pre-game” would be about 2-5 minutes. However, in a typical date situation, the moments leading up to a kiss can span as long as 45 minutes to an hour.

Just a quick word to all the guys who enjoy going for fast make-outs (otherwise known as “flash game”): While it may make you feel cool to be able to get instant kisses from girls you just met (and I’m certainly not claiming I’m somehow above this), kissing a girl too soon or rushing the build-up to a kiss is not a good long-term strategy for building a solid Connection with a woman.

While kissing babes is awesome, I personally enjoy the build-up to a kiss better, anyway. And certainly women would concur. No woman wants to feel like she’s a tongue receptacle for some aggressive horn-ball; instead, she wants a guy who understands how to create, maintain, and amplify sexual tension.

Thus, the bulk of this tutorial will center on the crucial aspects of the pre-game. Beginning with the most important aspect of the kiss: isolated discretion.

Step 1: Isolated Discretion

I know it sounds obvious that you need to be “isolated” with a girl to kiss her, but it’s still important to point out. A memorable kiss is a moment shared between you and a girl, and that’s it. Unless you’re “kissing the bride” at your wedding, you should really remain cognizant of the situation you and a girl are in.

Case-in-point: the other weekend I was chatting with a girl who I felt great chemistry with. We’d met because my friend began talking to her friend, and we naturally just gravitated to each other. Now, even though I wanted to kiss her (and the feeling seemed to be mutual), I restrained myself for an important reason: no discretion.

Personally, I don’t want a girl to think I’m some sex-starved horn-ball who will jump at any opportunity to sexually escalate (and I’m sure you agree). While I emphasize the importance of sexual escalation in all my articles and advice, the importance of being a sexually satisfied guy who’s in control of his emotions is MORE important than simply having the guts to go for a kiss.

So, if you’re planning a great kiss, the first step is to wait until you’re in a situation that is somewhat discrete. I’m not saying that you necessarily need to be one-on-one, beyond closed doors before going for the kiss. However, do respect her reputation and comfort levels. Most girls don’t feel comfortable engaging in public displays of affection (PDA), so don’t ruin your first kiss before it starts.

Make sure you have some privacy, and that it’s a personal moment between you and a girl before even considering a girl. This could be as simple as moving her 20 feet away from the crowd, or as elaborate as planning a date around taking her to a special “spot” where you know you’ll have some one-on-one time.

Step 2: Build Tension

As we already know, a great kiss doesn’t just appear out of thin air. Instead, it’s an outgrowth of the moments leading up to the kiss. Once you and a girl have some “isolated discretion,” it’s important you don’t just lunge into her and expect a kiss. You first need to build sexual tension.

If you’re unfamiliar with sexual tension, then I’d highly recommend you browse the archives of this blog or my column on TSB Magazine (or read my book, The 4 Elements of Game). Creating sexual tension is crucial for an enjoyable kiss.

Often the fastest and easiest way to create sexual tension is by giving a very direct, very bold compliment. Saying something like, “Wow, I wish you hadn’t worn this dress out tonight because it looks amazing on you, and now I can hardly think straight” is a perfect example. Why?

First off, the compliment is good-humored but also very bold. You’re complimenting her, but you’re also sort of “blaming” her for looking too good. This is so much than simply saying, “You look beautiful tonight” before it amplifies the tension of the compliment.

Using a compliment like that will electrify the moment, setting the stage for the kiss.

Step 3: Shameless Execution

Once you feel that “spark” of tension, it’s time to pull the trigger and go for the kiss. While that advice may sound very simply, it’s incredibly hard for most guys to follow. This is because most guys want to look for “signs” or “signals” that a girl wants to be kissed. Or worse, some guys even wait for a girl to kiss them (hardly ever happens!).

If you want to be a good kisser, you need to a high-stakes player. Don’t ask a woman if she wants to be kissed. Don’t Drive yourself crazy looking for the “perfect signal.” Don’t even make the mistake of hesitating. Instead, just lean in and kiss her.

In other words: execute shamelessly.

Now, a girl may reject your first attempt at going for a kiss—this is perfectly fine. In all likelihood, it probably has nothing to do with you. So don’t feel rejected! Just respect her comfort levels, and go back into Being Normal. A immutable rule of kissing is this: if you attempt to kiss a girl, but she doesn’t kiss you back, BUT she’s still talking to you = she wants to kiss you but just needs more time.

In fact, if you really want a “signal” to know whether or not a woman is interested in you or wants to be kissed by you, simply go for the kiss and see what happens. If she’s still standing in front of you, you passed! You wants to be kissed! (Even if she didn’t kiss you right then and there.)

So there you have it: how to kiss a girl in 3 simple stages. Don’t over-think it. Don’t over-complicate it. Have confidence in yourself and pucker up.