If you’re an older guy, you may be wondering if attracting women ten, twenty, maybe even thirty years younger than you is possible. Well, the answer is yes, but only if you know how to use your age to your advantage. In this article, I am going to share 7 essentials every older guy needs to know to meet, attract, and date beautiful younger women.

These 7 “Older Guy” Qualities Get Younger Women CHASING

As many of you probably know, I’ve been a dating coach for a long time, a little over twelve years, to be exact. I’ve had the privilege of coaching and working with thousands of men ranging in age from 18 to 87. Over the years, some of my favorite success stories were guys in their 40s, 50s, 60s, or older who finally realized their potential, attracting and dating women they thought were out of their league.

Whenever a guy like this smashes through his limiting beliefs about women or dating or himself, they all say the same thing, “Wow, it’s easier now than it was when I was in my 20’s.” The reason for this is twofold:

One, being attractive to women is a learnable skill.

And two, these guys leverage their age as an asset rather than a liability.

As men age, we break into two distinct categories: those who use our age as an advantage and guys who use their age as an excuse. If you want to reap the attractive benefits of your age, you need to embrace the status, wisdom, and experience that come with age. To put it in simpler terms, you need to adopt the mindset of an attractive older guy, a mindset I’ve distilled down to 7 core tents that will effectively turn Father Time into your wingman.

So, let’s get started. 

1. Set the Standard

In most interactions, one person sets the standard and the other tries to live up to that standard. One person is the seller and the other is the buyer. As an older guy, you always want to put yourself in the position of the buyer, the one setting the standard. This is important because it differentiates you from almost every other guy she might be talking to and lets you to set the frame of the interaction.

Letting a woman set the frame is a common mistake guys make—especially when a woman is particularly attractive. Whatever she thinks is funny becomes the humor that defines the interaction; whatever she finds interesting becomes the topic of conversation. If she’s a foodie, he invites her to expensive restaurants he has no interest in but hopes she’ll like. 

Younger guys closer to her age might be able to get away with a mistake like this, but, as an older guy, you can’t go down this road. Instead, you need to unapologetically set the standard, which she should want to live up to. It may seem counter-intuitive, but an attractive woman will find a guy who’s a challenge so much more attractive than a guy who’s just trying to be whatever he thinks she’ll like.

And, since you’re the one with the experience, wisdom, and quiet confidence that a man only develops over time—with age—you have a unique form of value. It’s a somewhat rare form of value since it’s only available to older guys, and most older guys squander it by letting a woman set that standard simply because she’s hot. Be smarter than that.  

2. Always Be Certain

Next up, let’s talk about certainty. This is another non-negotiable. Whenever a younger woman starts feeling attracted to an older man, her knee-jerk response will be to start testing him. Keep in mind, the reason a woman tests a man is because she’s looking for chinks in his armor. She’s essentially trying to figure out, Is this guy really as strong as he seems?

If you’re familiar with men’s dating advice, you probably already know what a test is. But for those who don’t, a test is when a woman throws a wrench into the interaction. Sometimes, it’s obvious, like a nasty remark or insult, but often, it’s something subtle or passive-aggressive. For example, a woman who suddenly goes cold on text might be testing you.  

A guy who lacks certainty overreacts to a woman’s tests. Rather than remaining calm and trusting in himself, he gets overly emotional and starts second-guessing himself. Once a woman sees that you’re becoming sad, mad, upset, or even just a bit insecure, you fail the test, and she starts seeing you as less attractive.

As an older guy, you need to be ready for this. Anytime an older guy interacts with a younger woman, she tests him a lot. So much of what younger women find attractive about old men is their unassailable emotional strength. No matter what she says or does, you should always remain calm and in control of yourself. When you respond to her tests with unwavering certainty, her attraction to you intensifies like pouring gasoline on an open flame.

3. Dress the Part

Let’s shift gears a bit and talk about dressing the part. As an older guy, you need to look congruent to the high-value guy you’re presenting yourself as. Two mistakes I see older guys make when it comes to their wardrobe are either dressing the same way they did in high school or their 20s or—even worse—thinking adopting a younger style makes them appear youthful or cool.

It doesn’t. Older guys who make fashion mistakes like this almost always come off out-of-touch and often downright embarrassing. Instead, learn how to present yourself in an attractive and age-appropriate way.

As an older guy, you want to convey attractive older guy qualities like ambition, dignity, worldliness, and success. Better yet, you want a woman to see that you’re a boss, an autonomous man who easily walks through the world. Now, there are several ways you can sub-communicate that with your clothing, but I want to focus on a simple example I can explain in 3 simple steps. It’s a style I call “sovereign chic,” which takes a piece of formal menswear and dresses it down stylishly.

4. Date Her, Don’t Save Her  

As an older guy, you may be tempted to do some white knighting and try to solve her problems for her. But listen closely: don’t do it. I hate to say it, but no good deed goes unpunished. If you start inserting yourself into a woman’s life, trying to solve her problems for her, you’re going to screw things up with her and regret you didn’t take my advice.

Even if she seems to want or even ask for your help, resist the urge. Remember: you’re the older guy she’s dating, not her dad. If she comes to you with a problem, you should listen and offer some sympathy or empathy, and if she asks for it, you can even offer some advice. However, don’t get involved. Don’t try to solve things for her. She needs to handle her issues, especially if they involve money.

I’ve seen way too many clients screw up good relationships or dating prospects because they couldn’t say no. They couldn’t stop themselves from swooping in like Captain Save-a-ho. And, as I mentioned, in most cases, they gave her money. Once money gets involved, lines are blurred, and the relationship almost always becomes transactional. In all my years of coaching guys and my personal life, I’ve never seen a situation where there’s a happy ending once money gets involved. So often, today’s good deed is why a woman starts to lose interest in tomorrow.

5. Inspire Without Intimidating

Moving on, one blind spot I noticed older guys have, particularly older guys who have achieved a certain level of success or affluence, is that they sometimes lose sight of the fact that just because a hot woman may look all put together, that doesn’t mean she has everything figured out. This is especially true of younger women.

Often, a girl in her 20s or even 30s is still figuring things out. While she may look great, that doesn’t mean her financial situation or career match her looks. An attractive woman might have insecurities that an older, successful guy might remind her of if he’s not careful.

For example, imagine this: an older guy has an impressive car and a younger woman notices it and says, “Wow, you Drive a Maserati?” On the one hand, it may seem like this guy is winning. Clearly, this woman recognizes the car as a status symbol. And, in some cases, that might be all there is to it. But what if this woman is struggling to make car payments and falling behind on her bills? If you’ve ever been in a situation like this, where you’re constantly concerned about money, your worldview gets a bit distorted. It seems like everyone else has money figured out, but you. When you see someone with an expensive car, it only further reminds you of your own shortcomings. Rather than feeling impressed, you’re really just left feeling inadequate.

I know it might sound a bit crazy, but I’ve seen very successful guys who don’t realize they’re overvaluing themselves in a woman’s eyes. Their success actually causes a woman to resent them a bit. A very successful guy can seem intimidating if a woman isn’t a gold digger and struggling a bit. Because of that, she won’t feel any sense of relatability or Connection with him, which causes her to act up in ways that sabotage her relationship with him. Usually, that means either making nasty remarks intended to take him down a peg or just avoiding him altogether. It’s sadly ironic since she’s doing this because, like I said before, she’s NOT a gold-digger, and she’s not simply trying to use him a meal ticket.

But there’s a way you can avoid going down this road altogether. If you’re a successful guy, aim to inspire rather than intimidate. That sounds like something you’d see on one of those cheesy motivational posters from the ‘90s. (Who remembers those?) But the way to do this is by balancing your accomplishments by making them relatable. This means displaying some vulnerability. One way to do this is through self-deprecating humor.

So, to return to the car example, if a woman says, “Wow, you Drive a Maserati?” You might say, “Ha yeah, when I was ten years old, my goal was to Drive the Batmobile one day. Clearly, I haven’t matured at all, as my inner ten-year-old still dictates all my buying decisions.” By making a quirky comment like this, you show that you don’t take yourself too seriously and you’re not trying to present yourself as Mr. Bigshot. Not only does this sub-communicate several attractive qualities, but since you’re doing it on the back of an impressive display of value, it’s a potent 1-2 attractive punch.

In a nutshell, you always want to humanize yourself and make yourself relatable, which will get her feeling positive emotions like Inspiration and a sense of Connection instead of leaving her feeling inadequate and insecure, which often becomes resentment. 

6. Be Definitive

As a man, you need to step up and be definitive! It’s your masculine duty to do the legwork behind the scenes, have a plan, and execute it through decisive leadership. This is the difference between being an employee and being the boss. And look, everyone likes to think of themselves as a boss or a leader, but very few guys actually step up and assume the role.

Why is that? I’ll tell you why: being definitive means putting your decisions, and ultimately yourself, on the line. Most guys are either too lazy to make an informed decision or too weak to execute and follow through on that decision. Don’t be lazy, and don’t be weak. Eradicate phrases like “So what do you want to do” and “It’s up to you” from your masculine vocabulary. Instead, replace them with phrases, “Here’s the plan” and “Follow me.”

I’m sure I just triggered a woke warrior somewhere who’s shrieking, “But isn’t that misogynist? Shouldn’t we treat women as equals and consider their input?” Now, look, I’m not saying women are incapable of making decisions or anything like that. Men and women are obviously equal, but we bring different things to the table regarding dating and attraction. As a man, you need to harness masculine energy, which means being definitive.

This is especially critical for older men. You need to have a plan and stick to it. When planning a date, don’t be wishy-washy. Do the research, make a decision, and then invite her to come along for the ride. Let her see you know where you’re going and that you’re comfortable stepping up and taking the masculine initiative. You simply cannot be an indecisive older man and elicit genuine attraction in younger women. It’s a paradox that doesn’t exist.

7. Know Your Boundaries

Finally, you need to know your boundaries. Even better, the women you’re dating should know your boundaries. Expressing your boundaries and expectations is attractive at any age, but it’s even more important as you get older. You need to convey that your time is scarce and valuable. If you don’t, women won’t respect you. And, since respect is a precursor to attraction, they won’t feel any spark or chemistry around you. They’ll take you for granted at best and treat you like their backup plan. More likely, though, you won’t even be a blip on their radar.

If you don’t have boundaries, you don’t have an identity. You’re allowing yourself to be whatever another person wants you to be. Now, this isn’t to say you need to constantly be calling women out for any minor transgression or be overly sensitive. You don’t want to take this idea too far and be the angry old guy screaming, “Get off my lawn!” In fact, even when you are expressing a boundary, you don’t ever want to seem angry—or display any negative emotion. Her behavior is her problem, not yours, so there’s no reason to react to it. Simply tell her you’re not going to put up with it.

For example, just yesterday I was working with a client who found himself in a situation where he was at a woman’s place and they were watching a movie. In the middle of the movie, she started texting on her phone, then leaving the room to make a phone call. My client was left confused and asked me, “Rob, should I have paused the movie?” As you can imagine, my head almost exploded because this is clearly the wrong question.

“No,” I explained to him, “you shouldn’t have paused the movie. You should have gotten up and told her, ‘Hey, let’s either watch this movie together or I’m going to head out.’” Now, remember that this advice is sometimes a lot easier to give than it is to follow. My client acknowledged that he felt disrespected but he said what I so often hear from guys in situations like, “I was afraid that if I left I’d never see her again.” While this feeling is understandable, it’s completely illogical. When a woman violates one of your boundaries, your only fear is what will happen if you tolerate it.

As an older guy, you should have enough life experience to know the behavior you won’t tolerate. Usually, if it’s something you wouldn’t do to her, then that’s something you shouldn’t accept her doing to you. If and when a woman crosses a boundary like that, it doesn’t always mean she’s intentionally disrespecting you, or she’s a bad person. So there’s no need to lecture her, and, like I said before, you definitely shouldn’t get emotional. However, what you absolutely should do is communicate a boundary. In some instances, like the one my client found himself in, you might give her a choice: either stop what she’s doing, or you’re going to leave. In other instances, where a more serious boundary is crossed, you need to simply cut her off—either temporarily or, sometimes, even permanently. It may be hard but it’s really the only option—or at least the only if you’re an attractive man with dignity.  

Alright, there you have it: seven qualities older men need to attract younger women. It’s not about changing who you are but understanding the dynamics and using your age to your advantage.

 Remember, it’s not your age that attracts her—but rather the experience, self-assurance, and status that comes with your age. However, your greatest asset is also your biggest liability. How you present and carry yourself tells a woman if you’re aging closer to perfection or further into defeat.

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