Whenever I meet guys looking to improve their success with women, one underlying question always permeates everything they do: when will I be good with women? Every guy who gets into improving his success with women really only wants thing, which is to have success with women. Some guys refuse to endure the process necessary for that success, so they give up; other guys are willing to going through the process, but only do it with the ultimate outcome in mind.
I completely understand the feeling. Any guy who wants to improve his dating success does so because he’s frustrated. No matter what the reason, every guy embarks on the “dating success” journey for one reason and one reason only: to be good with women. And I’m no different from every other guy. When I started out my only concern was achieving the success I wasn’t enjoying at the time.
When I was immersed in the process, I rarely took inventory to appreciate the moment for what it was. I was so caught up with going out night-after-night, talking to as many girls as would stand to listen me, and filling my brain with every piece of advice I could find. I didn’t realize it then, but those were some of the best days of my life.
Often Zack and I talk about those early days. Back when we both sucked with women, and we’d have hilarious weekend misadventures trying to meet them. I can still remember storming down midtown side streets with Zack, each of blaming each other for “messing it up” with girls we had absolutely no shot with anyway. I remember how the smallest victories excited us, like if we kept a conversation going for longer than a few minutes.
In some ways, it’s like looking back on your high school or college years, when you realize the things that seemed awkward and frustrating at the time are now some of your most cherished memories. But when you’re actually in high school or college, you can’t wait to graduate and move on with your life.
It always seems as if “success”—whether in the form of a diploma or an incredible love life—will make you happy, solve your problems, and alleviate your frustrations. No one ever realizes that the journey leading up “success” is where the fun is at.
Getting your dating life handled is a great feeling, and it definitely alleviates a lot of the anxieties and frustrations I know most men deal with every second of every day. Just like earning a diploma, getting your dating life handled entitles you to a better life with more options.
However, don’t undervalue the process it takes to get there. As happy and content as you’ll be when you achieve dating success, you’ll have way more fun getting there. It’s so unfortunate that so many guys never give themselves the chance to enjoy that fun, only seeing the process as tedious and painful.
Trust me: once you get the success you want, you’ll realize all the rejections, awkward nights out, and misadventures you had were way funnier and more enjoyable than you realized at the time. Don’t rush through the process—or worse, give up on it—just because you think “success” will suddenly bring you happiness.
Enjoy the moment and trust that you’ll achieve your goals, one day. For now, see the fun and humor in every interaction, every night out, and every time you stumble.
I wish someone had told me that when I was going through it. I would’ve appreciated the best time of my life for what it was, rather than wondering: when will I be good with women? It’s not about “when,” it’s about the process. So enjoy it.