Newbie Love

Newbs—you gotta love ‘em. Whether you’re learning how to become better with women or playing some dorky multiplayer videogame, there will always be “newbs”—people trying something for the first time.

Like high school freshmen, newbs often have ridiculous expectations derived from little or no experience. That’s why newbs are often so easy to laugh at. These are the guys who post on internet message boards about wanting to know the “secret line” to get the wild orgy with the harem of bisexual strippers.

Newbs are notorious for not having their priorities straight. For example, when it comes to meeting women, newbs often try to find every other solution other than the one that actually works, which is to meet women. Newbs often try to “become social,” or learn complicated “language patterns,” or read a hundred books ABOUT approaching women before they ever actually approach a single girl.

Following dating advice and approaching women won’t pay the dividends it did when you were a “newb.”

This is a classic case of not respecting the “80/20 Rule.” For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, the “80/20 Rule” states that 80 percent of your success will come from 20 percent of your efforts. (So, to become successful, you must figure out what the “20 percent” is, and then do that.)

For newbs looking to increase their success with women, the 20 percent is simple and obvious: approach more women. Although, if you look at how most newbs go about getting better with women, it’s usually anything but what’s simple and obvious. Most newbs avoid the obvious 20 percent to devote an inordinate amount of time worrying about insignificant minutiae.

Though, this article isn’t about the stereotypical newbs we all know and love—it’s about a more subtle sort of a newb. It’s a newb who don’t know he’s a newb, which is a guy who has recently become “pretty good” with women.

Your Newbie Days Have Just Begun

Most guys mistakenly think that they’ve graduated from “newb-dom” once they “get it.” And by get it, I mean they do what’s simple and obvious: they approach lots of women, which leads to 80 percent of their success, which makes them pretty good with women.

But think about it…these guys are newbs all over again—it’s just a different type of newb. While these guys are no longer newbs to trying to become more successful with women, they are newbs to becoming successful with women. And so, these guys fall into the same traps they fell into when they weren’t successful: they won’t keep their priorities straight.

To make this a little more tangible, let me tell you about a common conversation I have with former students or guys who have been studying dating advice for a number of years. It usually goes something like this:

Rob, I’m doing pretty well with women, but I want to take it to the next level! How many more women should I be approaching a day to get even better?

Actually, you should be approaching less women.

Ohhhh, I get it. So approach less women, but go harder on the ones I do approach…

Not really. You should think about developing other aspects of your lifestyle. Your approaching and dating skills seem to be pretty dialed so if you want to keep improving, you should look into improving your fitness, wealth, and that sort of thing.

What?! That’s what I did before I get into all this dating advice and it didn’t work! Why are you telling me to do it now?!

Can you see how the “newb mindset” sneaks in through the backdoor once you start becoming successful? Guys who reach a certain competency with approaching women believe they’re going to keep progressing with more dating advice. They think if they just discover that potent piece of information, or up the number of approaches they do, or increase the intensity of their interactions, that they’ll progress in a linear pattern.

They won’t.

Game Change

Once you feel pretty confident approaching women, you’re not going to keep progressing doing what you did (as weird as that sounds). In fact, the 80/20 rule that got you to where you are actually flips. Now only 20 percent of your progress will come from 80 percent of your efforts. You can approach all the women you want, but it will only make you 20 percent better.

If you want to keep improving at a consistent pace, you need to look beyond dating advice. Yup, I said it. This may not be the best thing for my job security, but the truth’s the truth. Following dating advice and approaching women won’t pay the dividends it did when you were a “newb.”

Instead, turn your focus to “tangential skills.” Maybe that’s working on your fashion sense, or your muscle mass, or even your social circleA group of friends or acquaintances you spend time with or communicate with on a regular basis.. You could even learn a completely random skill, like web design, and use it to create parties and events that will put you in the path of the types of women you want to meet.

Essentially, this “80/20 flip” means you prioritize building your lifestyle over building your confidenceThe permission you grant yourself to remain comfortable in uncomfortable situations. and dating competence. That old cliché about only being as “strong as your weakest link” really rings true here. For most guys starting out, their complete incompetence when approaching, relating to, and attracting women keeps them from the success they want in dating.

But once they address that, and build up their competency, it’s time to look for answers beyond straight approaching. Their weakest link isn’t their “game”—it’s their lifestyle. These guys are newbs all over, but most don’t think they’re newbs (which is a very newb-ish way of thinking).

So ask yourself: are you a newbie to success with women? If so, don’t waste your time and energy by not respecting the “80/20 flip”—80 percent of your potential lies outside of what got you to where you’re at. Recognize it, newbie!

  1. This article is pretty true, i think lots of times guys get ‘lost’ in the game and neglect other aspects of thier lives which ends up pulling back thier success with women.

    UNFORTUNATELY, most guys still suck with women and more approachs will help them.

    Rob is an expert, and you should listen to what he says, cause most of it is gold….

    BUT if you want to get laid more, approaching more women is definately not a bad tactic!

  2. Funny how we all go through this. I remember after my first year of going to clubs and approaching women I was REALLY burnt out. Finally I thought, “Hmm, there must be an easier way to do this.” The answer is to work SMARTER not HARDER.

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