Embrace The Hate

Every human should find themselves in a passionate relationship with a partner they absolutely hate at least once in their life. To nod in acceptance to that statement is to know the true face of attraction. As a long-time lover of womankind, I’ve seen some shit.

I’ve seen crazy shit, wack shit, wild shit, awesome shit, and stinky shit. But through all the shit I’ve seen, one piece of shit stands out as particularly shitty: the shit idea that people make decisions logically.

Don’t be fooled (again) by self-deception. If you didn’t nod in acceptance to my opening sentence, if you haven’t loved someone you absolutely hated, if you don’t understand why logic is the biggest crock of shit in mate selection, you are a victim of delusional thinking perpetuated by a mirage of yesteryear.

The women who can affect my emotions greatest are often not the ones who matched my neat little “checklist.”

See, I’ll bet that many reading believe they know the “truth” on attraction and dating. You’ve taken the red pill, right? You got it all figured out, don’t ya? Well, I thought I did, too—until I fell in love with someone who was absolutely horrible for me.

Do I regret it? Not at all.

Am I bitter? Not even slightly.

Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

Emotion Equals Logic

What I—and most people—didn’t/don’t understand is emotion overrides everything. In fact, emotion is so powerful, it doesn’t just override logic—it becomes logic. Rather than admit someone is “wrong” for you, people scramble to find any shred of logic to justify a relationship with someone who turns them on emotionally.

It’s an extreme irony of the human animal: our awesome intelligence allows us to cloak our bad decisions in intelligence. Rather than accept our carnal, animalistic drives, we rational them. Acknowledging that we’re the beasts we are is too intense—so we sugarcoat our emotions in logic.

Am I suggesting we do otherwise? Am I writing this post as the all-knowing, omniscient blogger who has transcended this silly fallacy of you mere mortals? Not at all. I am as rabid a beast as the next rabid beast. My emotions dictate my bad decisions just like anyone else.

In fact, the only reason I’m writing on this topic at all is to dispel the taboo on anti-logic. Who gives a flying shit if someone isn’t “logically” the right person for you? To believe that your soul mate is someone you envisioned in your Disney-esque fantasies, someone your parents will approve of, someone who fits the bill as “the one,” is to believe in what I’ve titled the “contemporary myth of modern dating.”

You are hiding behind the “safety” of logic. You are cowering at the foot of a mirage. The idea that your partner must adhere to a checklist of logical attributes is ridiculous. Once you feel attraction for someone, your emotion will override your carefully plotted “checklist” anyway. You’ll see features that aren’t there. You’ll amplify what supports your logic. You’ll ignore what contradicts it.

And all because you can’t stare down the truth: attraction trumps everything. Someone you hate may be someone you love. And there’s nothing you can do to change that—you’re just a beast, like me. Although, rather than size your partner to a procrustean bed of logic, allow them to be who they are. See them for them—even if it’s repulsive to you.

Rather than admit someone is “wrong” for you, people scramble to find any shred of logic to justify a relationship with someone who turns them on emotionally.

A life lesson that took me many years and many lovers to learn is who I thought could turn me on most is often not who I envisioned. The women who can affect my emotions greatest are often not the ones who matched my neat little “checklist.”

But rather than let this disconnect get in the way of our relationship, I let them be them.

Even if I hated it.

Even if it meant letting go of the safety of logic.

Even if it meant realizing I’m nothing more than a beast, controlled by emotions beyond my intelligence. And beyond my control.

And for some more HOTNESS, peep this page I just designed: Rob’s Notebook