Let me start by telling you something uncomfortable: women test men.

Yes, they do. Always have, always will.

And no, it’s not because they’re manipulative or cruel or trying to turn your brain into scrambled eggs with a side of emasculated bacon. It’s not even conscious most of the time. It’s evolutionary. It’s baked into the human mating game like yeast in sourdough. Women test because, once upon a time, the stakes were higher than your modern Tinder woes. Picking the wrong guy wasn’t just about a bad date—it was about survival.

But let’s rewind. Imagine you’re a cavewoman. You’ve got two options: Guy #1, who panics at the sight of a mildly aggressive squirrel, or Guy #2, who takes down a saber-tooth tiger and still has time to roast a mammoth steak before sundown. You don’t need to be a biological anthropologist to guess which one gets the swipe right of prehistoric mating.

Fast-forward to today. You’re not fighting saber-tooths anymore (unless your ex has a very aggressive cat), but the tests remain. Different packaging. Same purpose.

And here’s the kicker: you’re failing them. All. The. Time.

But don’t worry. By the end of this blog post, you’ll know exactly what these tests are, why they matter, and how to crush them like a confident, emotionally intelligent mammoth-hunting modern man.

Test 1: The Pressure Test

This is the OG of women’s tests. The granddaddy. The Vince Lombardi of emotional endurance.

Picture this: you’re at a bar. You meet her, she’s gorgeous, and everything is going fine. Then she casually drops, “You’re trying really hard to impress me, aren’t you?”

And in this moment, most men crumble like a house of cards in a wind tunnel. You know what they do? They stammer. They get defensive. They start explaining themselves. “No, no! This is just how I am! I swear I’m not trying too hard!”

Game. Over.

Here’s why: the Pressure Test isn’t about what she says—it’s about how you handle yourself when she pushes your buttons. She wants to see if you can keep your cool when the stakes rise, or if you’ll fold like a lawn chair.

The right response? Play it cool. Agree and amplify. Say, “You’re absolutely right. If I try any harder, I’m gonna need a towel to wipe off all this effort.” Or hit her with the Pacino and respond as if she’s complimented you: “Thanks! I always bring my A-game when I meet a woman as cute as you.”

Confidence. Humor. Nonchalance. That’s how you pass.

Test 2: The Conviction Test

Let me tell you a story about a Tinder match I had with a Brazilian model (or at least, that’s what her profile said). After some back-and-forth banter, I suggested meeting up at a dive bar called the Twisted Lizard. Her response?

“A dive bar? Seriously? That’s where you’re taking me?”

Most guys would immediately backpedal. “Oh, I didn’t mean it like that! We can go somewhere nicer!” Wrong move.

What did I do? I responded:

“Yeah well unfortunately the Ritz Carlton wasn’t taking reservations”

We ended up having a great date. Why? Because I stood my ground without being a jerk about it. Women don’t want a pushover. They don’t want someone who flinches every time they’re challenged. They want a man with conviction—a guy who knows what he wants and isn’t afraid to stick to it.

Test 3: The Autonomy Test

Here’s a chant for you: Clinginess kills attraction.

You could tattoo that on your forehead and it still wouldn’t hammer the point home enough.

A classic autonomy test might look like this: she texts you at 3 PM, you respond by 3:01 PM. She mentions she’s busy this weekend, you immediately offer to change all your plans to accommodate her. She doesn’t text back for an hour, and you send, “Did I do something wrong?”

Stop. Just stop.

Women test your autonomy because they want to know you have your own life. Your own goals. Your own identity. She doesn’t want to be your hobby. The second she feels like she’s your entire world, the attraction fizzles faster than cheap champagne.

Test 4: The Thirst Test

This one has evolved in the age of Instagram. Women will dangle the bait—posting thirst traps, dropping sexual innuendos, sending flirty texts—and watch to see how you react.

Most guys fail spectacularly. They take the bait and escalate immediately, practically drooling on their keyboards. “OMG, you’re so hot!”

Here’s the thing: when you bite, you lose. Every. Single. Time.

The right move? Stay calm. Play it cool. If she says, “I just bought new underwear, wanna see?” respond with, “Sure, are they granny panties?”

If she sends a suggestive photo, say, “Looks comfy.”

Flip the script.

The less reactive you are, the more intrigued she’ll be.

Test 5: The Jealousy Test

Ah, jealousy. The green-eyed monster that’s sunk more ships than the iceberg that took down the Titanic.

Here’s how the Jealousy Test works: she mentions her male “friend.” Or strikes up a conversation with a guy at the bar. Or casually talks about her ex.

It’s not a trap (usually). It’s a test to see how secure you are. If you freak out, get possessive, or—God forbid—storm off in a huff, you fail.

The winning move? Amused mastery.

Imagine she’s chatting with a guy while you’re out. When she comes back, say, “Go back and flirt with that guy so he buys us a round of drinks!”

Confidence isn’t just sexy—it’s bulletproof.

Test 6: The Boredom Test

Let me be blunt: if you’re boring, you’re dead in the water.

Boring conversations are like kryptonite to attraction. Asking basic questions like, “Where are you from?” “What do you do?” “How was your day?” makes you sound like an HR manager interviewing her for a job she doesn’t want.

Women test for boredom constantly.

Constantly!

Why? They’re looking for a guy who can make them laugh! Keep them on their toes! And turn even the most mundane topics into something fun! (Why am I ending all these sentences with exclamation points?! To emphasize my point: DON’T BE BORING!!!) But seriously: stop being predictable (i.e., boring). Turn “Where are you from?” into “You’re from LA? Huh, I pegged you as an East Coast girl with all that sharp wit and style.”

Test 7: The EQ Test

Emotional intelligence is the unsung hero of attraction. Women will test your EQ by expressing negative emotions—stress, sadness, frustration—and watching to see how you respond.

Pro tip: logic won’t save you here. If she says she’s stressed at work, don’t launch into a TED Talk about time management. She doesn’t want solutions. She wants you to show her a good time, full stop. Change her mood, not her mind.

When you pass the EQ Test, you’re not just a guy she likes—you’re a guy she respects. A guy who “gets” it. (Both figuratively and literally.)

Test 8: The Provider Test*

* No one ever talks about this one!”

This is the meta-test. The test that’s running silently in the background at all times.

Women are constantly deciding which “bucket” to put you in: Lover (the exciting guy she’s drawn to) or Provider (the safe, predictable guy she respects but doesn’t desire).

Here’s the irony: the harder you try to prove you’re boyfriend material—fancy dinners, constant availability, over-the-top compliments—the more likely you are to end up in the Friendzone.

The key? Stop trying. Focus on being fun, confident, and a little unpredictable. Women will move you into the boyfriend bucket themselves if you let them.

The Solution

Understanding these tests isn’t just about getting the girl—it’s about becoming the kind of man who naturally passes them. Confident. Independent. Charismatic.

And here’s the good news: once you recognize the tests, they’re ridiculously easy to pass. The game doesn’t change—only your understanding of it does.

So the next time she tests you, remember this: women aren’t looking for perfection. They’re looking for a man who’s secure enough to pass her challenges without breaking a sweat.

Now go out there and ace the test.

You’ve got this.