“Change her mood, not her mind.”
I heard that from the smartest guy I knew when it came to women one night at a dive bar in the East Village, condensing years of dating wisdom into six simple words. I nodded like I understood, but truth is, I didn’t have a clue. Back then, I thought attraction worked like a job interview—show up with the right credentials, tick all the boxes, and you’d get the position.
Sometimes you look back on things, and can’t believe how wrong you were about the world…
I used the think attraction was something a woman would recognize logically like she was running some internal algorithm:
Good job? Check.
Treats me well? Check.
Common interests? Check. Congratulations, you’ve qualified for attraction!
I kept waiting for women to realize I was the right choice, like they’d suddenly wake up and see the obvious solution to their dating equation standing right in front of them.
The price for this delusion? Countless awkward dates, confused looks, and those dreaded “You’re such a nice guy, but…” conversations. Each rejection felt like a glitch in the matrix—how could they not see that I checked all the boxes?
Then came that Friday night at The Comedy Cellar…
The place was exactly what you’d expect from a downtown comedy club—exposed brick walls, tables crammed too close together, flickering tea lights casting shadows that made everyone look mysterious. The air was thick with that familiar cocktail of anticipation and overpriced drinks.
The comedian took the stage like he owned it, all swagger and confidence. “Tried speed dating the other night,” he announced, leaning into the mic. “Turns out, I’m not fast enough! She left before I could say hello.“
The silence that followed was deafening. Just the sound of ice cubes settling in glasses and someone trying to mask their discomfort with a cough. The comedian’s smile flickered but didn’t die. He adjusted his collar and doubled down: “Let me tell you about my blind date… It was weird because we both had perfect vision!”
More silence. The kind that makes you want to crawl under your table and disappear.
That’s when it happened—the moment that would change everything. The comedian reached into his prop bag and pulled out a laptop. Started setting up a projector. The audience watched in collective disbelief as he pulled up a PowerPoint presentation.
“I noticed no one’s laughing,” he said, voice trembling slightly as he clicked through his slides. “So let me explain why these jokes are objectively funny…”
Slide after slide detailed the wordplay, the misdirection, the timing. He was trying to convince us to laugh by explaining why we should be laughing.
People started leaving. My date turned to me with a look I’d seen too many times before—that mixture of pity and secondhand embarrassment. “This guy serious?” I asked her.
“TOO serious,” she replied, rolling her eyes like she’d seen this act before…
And that’s when it hit me.
Because here’s the thing—this painful scene? It didn’t ACTUALLY happen, or at least not at a comedy club…
…rather, it “happened” at restaurants, at bars, and even once at the Wollman Ice Skating Rink. Because here’s the thing…
I WAS that COMEDIAN but my “PowerPoint” wasn’t about jokes—it was about why women should be attracted to me.
Every date where I listed my credentials like items on a resume. Every time I explained why I was different from “other guys.” Every lengthy text message carefully crafted to show how mature and understanding I was. I had been that humorless comedian, desperately trying to explain why a woman should feel something that can’t be explained…
Here’s what I finally came to understand: Attraction isn’t a choice any more than laughter is a choice. You don’t decide to laugh at a joke because someone explained why it’s funny. You laugh because something triggers that response in you. Attraction works the same way—it’s not a logical decision, it’s an emotional reaction.
A comedian doesn’t convince people to laugh. He makes them laugh.
You don’t convince a woman to be attracted. You make her feel it.
I see it now in other guys—smart, successful men who think they can logic their way into attraction. They hover in the friend zone, believing time and kindness will eventually compute into desire. They send long, explanatory texts when a woman pulls away, thinking if they can just make her understand, she’ll feel differently. They’re all comedians with PowerPoints, trying to explain why their jokes are funny instead of just making people laugh.
It all goes back to those 6 eternal words: Change her mood, not her mind. Anything else—and everything else—is a vain attempt at reaching for a metaphorical “laptop” so you can present the figurative “PowerPoint” to a very real, very disappointed audience…
Even if you know better, even if you THINK you’re beyond making a mistake like this, chances are you’re probably getting too logical in subtle ways, like…
- Trying to “prove” you’re not like “other guys” and/or her ex.
- Making your intentions clear to her so she knows you’re “serious.”
- Pestering her when she starts losing interest, thinking if you just “understand what went wrong,” you can fix it.
But guess what? You can’t “logic your way” into attraction just like a comedian can’t explain his way into laughter. All you’re doing is setting yourself up to be ignored, ghosted, or “friend-zoned.”
That’s why I created The Nice Guy Blind Spot Quiz: www.girlsquiz.com
After more than a DECADE helping guys turn things around when it comes to dating, I can tell you with certainty: Most men are the comedian with the PowerPoint—and never even realize it. This quiz is going to show you exactly how and where you’re making that mistake.
It takes less than five minutes, and at the end, you’ll get a personalized breakdown of where you’re going wrong and what you need to do instead. If you’ve ever:
- Had a great date that led to ghosting…
- Been told, “You’re such a great guy, but…”
- Felt like women “friend-zone” you instead of chase you…
- Wondered why attraction seems to come so easily for some guys, but not you…
Then you need to take this quiz.
Click here to take it now: www.girlsquiz.com
Trust me, once you see what’s been holding you back, it changes everything. And next time you’re with a woman, you won’t be pulling out a PowerPoint…
You’ll be making her feel something she CANNOT ignore.
